tues / bridgetown / sitting here with my mama

im home...yes! yesterday was a long day of traveling w/ laura & me two lalas, & it feels good to be in the south again. dirty hot humidity. dirty south.

up today after sufficient rest, coffee, & lounging & to town for my license renewal (gotta do these things round 30 yrs old unfortunately) so i had my hair all curled up & my face on, & still the new photo looks kind of busted. it's the light. it's the cheap camera. i dont know. anyways, mama & i ran to wal-mart for supplies for my long trek to key west on thurs. then to carter's for some fried chicken, etc. home & to the barn: stall cleaning, horse brushing, carrot, loving on my skinny old grandma sissy whom i love forever though she's now 30 & she's so frail looking. bless. home to hang out w/ mama & daddy.

up early tomorrow to go into to town to meet up w/ sean-diggity & his angie, & then have lunch w/ granny & papa before taking off to amelia island for the nite. hopefully tapas w/ cheenie. then off to the keys early thurs. yip!

sonoita-elgin wine trip / dos cabezas & kief-joshua wineries / steak out / i was the dd :)

grls trip to the grand canyon & sedona

laura little had a birthday / there was some debaucherie / grand canyon

tues / laura little arrives tonite / 45 mins

just got back from dinner w/ my mija ms mara v. yeah!

my partner in crime arrives in 45 mins! yeeeeee!

mon / loooooooong day of stuff / almost famous my favorite scene

today: up / phone calls / prepping for leave / talk to ma / talk to Mandy--& Lyla / la paloma urgent care / i have a sinus infection / Safeway for meds & shopping for Laura Little's arrival / that means buy some Coca Cola / i feel a bit blahish / blah sinus infection / ginger & lemon tea / i feel like some thai food / i am not leaving the couch for thai food / Laura gets here tomorrow at 1030pm / i gotta get rest & healed up for party party / Laura & Mandy have the same Bday / 31 & 32 / couch nite.

some cheer.

sun / ahhh / magical weekend

yesterday: magical. most wonderful party ever. somewhere near the middle of the nite, giovanna & samantha showed up promting an impromtu poetry reading of the highest sorts. samanta won 2nd at the slam competition in az & she read first. then abe smith went. then i went. then mm. then bill wetzel. then sherwin bitsui. such loveliness. so many spectacular moments. i heart all my friends here for being so sweet to give me a party when im only leaving for two months. fantastic. jessica, scott, luzy, nancy, chris, tom zoellner, deanne stillman, bill, sherwin, annie, mike, abe, brent, danielle, char, stevie, giovanna, samantha, mm: heart all of you.

today: up / brunch at la cocina w/ annie, mike, abe, kate, brent, & xia. oooh lovely. then barrio brewery. then to the airport to drop abe off. then to mms to clean a lil, sip a lil. tony came over, always special. clean home relax. im hungry. im happy.

fri / today i said the world is a sinister place / d says she wants the man in her head / mm says that chicken wings are fradulent & just wrong

i was late to pick up abraham smith at the airport today because his plane was early & i was not, as per typical. we lunched at el minudo--margaritas at noon. i then went to get my haircut. i then went to trader joes & bought 9 bottles of wine for my going away party tomorrow. i then went to mms to clean. d. came soon after. we cleaned & drank a lil. somewhere over the rainbow. edith piaf. our triumvirate was rightly depressed. three depressed women. yes. depressed. it can happen. we pulled out of it when d. got an email that she received the 'golden humanism' award from med school, meaning her med school peers nominated her for the highest award in humanity in all the folks of her year in med school. more afternoon wine dranking. toasts. rocco's pizza. back depressed. mm drank a bottle of wine by herself. :) d & i grabbed fresh clothes & went to ches to meet abe & brent. fun. somehow decided i'd be a great candidate to take over george's job as barback when he leaves for san diego. tina told jim. i told jim. jim laughed a lil. but im quite serious. we'll see. i have the summer away of course firstly. saw larry whom i love. had fun w/ my people. abe smith is just wonderful as always. home now. tomorrow is my going away party. bunches of cheers & wonderul people whom i call such lovely friends. i really dont like mankind. not womenkind. mankind.

thurs / somebody already said to me the air today is ambrosial / yes

just got back from the obgyn. and the blood lab. fun fun fun fun.

alls i need is for it to rain. some low dark clouds & chilly out for tucson in may. it's nice. im wearing my blue shirt western shirt deanne gave me. it's an ominous kind of day. like a good movie day. and movie theater popcorn day.

wed nite / ive had zero stress today it's been lovely

when i was a grl i had a love affair w/ ronas ryon. all i did was sleep, breathe, dream, live for quarter horses. ronas ryon was tops for me. i wrote granada farms' general manager, jimmy eller, declaring my love for his 'little rona.' he actually wrote me back & was the sweetest. it was huge. ronas ryon died when i was in high school & i cried, still carry the horse with me. one day, when i have enough to buy my ranch heading into sonoita on the grasslands desert, i will buy a grand-daughter of RR. it's the plan.

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today i was 'stoned' as mm called it. stoned on the meds trying to get rid of this cough.

went thrifting a bit today, got some beautifully patterned china plates. the kind anthropologie would roll over for or charge 200 a plate.

had dinner w/ me grls. was supposed to run around tonite w/ a. but i am so lazy. it's a cough couch & pjs nite.

it's wed / pretty much done for the summatime yeeeee / i dreamt of yellow field flowers

this is my mood. im very very happy.



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ive got grading to do no doubt but im still joyful. without stress. wanted to go to the pool today but see it's 74 in tucson & no sun to be found. hmmm... im going to shop a lil today yes. i want: jean shorts & thrift stores yellow china bowls. i am: happy. i feel like: doing irreverant shit.

abe is coming on fri-sun. laura is coming tues-mon. im leaving mon the 30th. yesssssssss!

happy sunday / grading / this is how you introduce yourself to the president...

reblogged from laura little...i almost pissed myself.


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i have been grading all day & am happy to say im almost done w/ my 101s reseach essays for tomorrow's nite class. whoop. i am soooooo ready for the semester to end.

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yesterday i graded / went to the desert museum / graded / dinner at casa vincente: all my favs / rialto for dancing my ars off / was fun / was good distraction from all my end of the semester burn out.

fri / break from grading / news

my allergies have been so awful that i couldnt even make it all the way up tumamoc today. i started coughing coughing & despite d. saying we got this, i could not. home. made a curry & went to d.'s for dinner. fun fun. jose my gaybor is having a block party i popped in at. new neighbors in the hood & all.

picked up my car today finally. got a pretty good deal. i heart mark schofield for looking after things for me.

some good news today but i dont want to jinx it, am just hopeful. it's hopeful that im teaching advanced poetry at pima this fall. yeeeeah. just when im down & out on teaching good news comes along. fingers-crossed.

ok ok back to grading. im going on a day-te tomorrow out in the desert. excited.

fri / it's science friday! / hurry hurry

last nite mm & annie & myself had a lovely dance party under the stars to the splendid tunes of hoyt axton. 'work your fingers to the bone / what do you get? boney fingers, boooooooney fingers.' wonderfully awful. i gotta get a move on: it's friday! things here & there to do. the hill w/ dr danielle. then i must tuck in for grading. happy!

wed / pretty day / pretty rough one too

my car had to spend last night & tonite getting repairs that are too expensive to even say here. i had a meltdown. pretty much decided i cant adjunct any more--back to the bar for me. it's looking like i might have a job at sloppy joes this summer. that's good news for my bank account.

i ordered laura & my tickets home on the 30th. excited she's coming out here to hang out w/ me on her birthday & to help me home w/ two lalas.

i also got called a bitch today. that's always lovely.

ms mara vahratian, one of my most favorite poets, came through for me today. she's the best, my mija of the highest accord who i'll love for eternity.

i have tomorrow, monday, & tuesday left of the semester. lots of grading to do. lots & lots. then it's summer. a positive note!

i heart my mama & daddy for always seeing me through, breakdowns & all.

mon / fresh week / just getting home from a [lovely] date

last nite i painted my toes red & made some tom kai guy soup. i thought it was amazing. didnt know it was amazing til i took some to mms today after class & she said it was amazing! i mustve been a chef in a past life.

dressed up today. went to class & took up final essays. the class all said 'ms taylor you look pretty tonite...' & i said 'well i have a date...' & one wise ass said 'who's the lucky grl?' & everyone laughed, myself included. i said 'you all think youre a bunch of jokesters dont you...' & then told them to get out & go have some fun. on the way out i gotta bunch of high fives & from the wise ass who made the comment: 'ms taylor you are the best teacher ever.' it's always this time in the semester im gonna miss my students most. they're pretty funny, all of them.

i did have a lovely date--sushi & nice wine, nice talk. now to shower & sleep & early rise to get my car serviced & two looooong classes, grading at mms.

sun / i heart my mama on mama's day / my dream of becoming a mexican singer is drifting away (harrison)

une: truman capote
dos: g bear in the sink

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Split & girl parts. She splay your couch, she bends history Buddha
gracious burn all your selves, just do it on your time, don’t reach
neighborly your dogs bark, michu in the shadelight, my last time around
last leg & leg on, too much.


the oleander is loose limbed today, first day of spring
march winds loosening the dirt, country music, wait.

sat / recovery day / life-magic

so yes well that derby didnt go the way i wanted it to, but animal kingdom is a fine looking horse & im glad he pulled it off. calvin borel, you're still my favorite--the horse was late on the rail, your magic inlet of scoot past the field, & perhaps didnt have the gas necessary. bygones. was a good 137th running.

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thurs: class. eat. class. this heat is something else already, i must water, water the yard plants w/ gusto. to mms for cinco de mayo toast & dinner. rosa bordello lights & lots of laughter. my insides feel happy.

fri: up early. house-being. water. to a's: horse talk & im of the horse. pick up a & go to the pool. lil tredding. lil bee that bit the hell out of my arm. to mms for home remedy of baking soda paste & wine. shower up. dinner at casa vincente w/ a. to ches to meet d, c, l, s--the med school posse. to other bars. home late & backyard talkings.

today: up late. clean the house spotless. derby. late lunch at el minudo w/ d. shower up. movie w/ the grls: water for elephants. i want an elephant. and magical love bordering on fantasy.

writing time. blessings.

wed / tired out / talked to my sister whitney in tahoe / season finale of justified

which means ima gonna miss my sugar raylan. what's a grl to do?

ok yes somebody made a writers and kitties tumblr

pages & pages of my fav writers w/ their beloveds. im hooked.



hemingway prob in key west. less than a month eeee!

tues / on the cough syrup / im gonna lil wayne here in a min

meaning write a lil bit yeah it's gonna be all crazy & stuff. i have such white grl humor.


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[through the badlands of wyoming i killed everything in my path.]
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hallo may / it's mon / eeeeeee / almost done grading

i got the new issue of columbia poetry review in the mail. i got work in there. so does d.a. powell, jenny boully, lisa fishman, g.c. waldrep, nate pritts, marisa crawford, claire hero, etc. cool.

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my pal bill wetzel has a new piece out:

[http://www.opednews.com/author/author1852.html


"Bin Laden Politics: Who are we and what did we become?"
by Bill Wetzel

it's good. check it out.

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im crazy today.

sun / chillin w/ grita on the couch / slight break from grading

from Dodie Bellamy's blog:

I keep thinking of a line Ariana Reines recently posted on her blog:

But aren’t blogs supposed to be all about vulnerability; subjectivity

I would imagine that most people would answer this with a resounding NO. I love, though, that she would assume this, that so many women are now aiming towards this. Yesterday, Kevin quoted Muriel Rukeyser to me: "What would happen if one woman told the truth about her life? The world would split open." YES.

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this is why i love laura little's blog. raw honesty. i also admire kate zambreno's blog for this too. i cant exactly be supremely candid on my blog (sorry my feminist lady writers out there / i do so very much admire you though for being able...) because my fam reads my blog & so do students & i do like to retain a lil privacy.

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pbs aired a new series tonite--'south riding'--and guess what? i lurve it a lot. takes place in the early 30s, main character's fiancee dies in war, so she pursues a career as a teacher instead of wife/mother--& i think maybe she's lucky. she says she wouldve never pursued anything via a career if he wouldve come back. he probably would have been so utterly damaged by experience her whole life wouldve been difficult (understatement). maybe im just projecting, yep--it's not everyone's lot for devastation.

harrison writes a lot a/b war affecting northridge's character in the road home: [it rends me]

smith said my early aspirations to be an artist were the same thing. he gracefully didnt ask me why i had stopped after the war, but then i said that the war had evidently brought me too far down to earth. the grief and horror of war coarsens us and about the time i saw him in the potato field i had begun to understand life again without becoming enraged at least once a day. (94)

it had often come to me that i had let alcohol begin to destroy my dreams after the death of adelle. it was as if the dreams needed to be sedated in the atmosphere of turbulent darkness, and then alcohol in such vast quantity had so diminished their clarity that by the time i joined world war I, i was robotic, following the structure of hope rather than feeling hope herself. i certainly hadnt the wit to understand that i was trying to die, though if i had had any confidence in an afterlife in which id see adelle i would have put a bullet through my skull at any moment. at first alcohol gave me an illusion of coherence because it kept everything, including grief, in its specific place where it could be relentlessly and inefficiently mulled over. at such times we drink so as not to go mad, but then we have only found another sort of madness. (99)

how strange it seemed to me now not to have known then that there would be another willow, inplacably more damaging, so that one went through life carrying an invisible gravestone that would disappear, then return with leaden fury, which, when dissipated, would arrange itself in the lucid and melancholy paintings the mind constructs of love. (74)

it is arguable whether anyone truly recovers from anything. (9)

anyways...grading still. good news is ms laura little passed her BIG ASS NURSING SCHOOL TEST! big yays!--& she's coming to tucson at the end of may. woohoo! in other news: i ate too much. feel sick. pasta belly sick.