back a little while ago, when it was the ole tucson festival of books, i had dinner with elmore leonard, j harrison, advice goddess amy alkon & her bf, publicist for dutch, & dutch's son & wife. fun times to say the least. i remember enjoying amy very much--very sophisticated & beautiful, & most of all she has my fav quality of personhood: curiosity.

well, i saw her watching me & j harrison all nite, how funny, i thought, what she must be thinking this whole evening of me. probably giggling in her head oh lord help me written on my face kind of stuff. i call jim uncle but he is a very endearing uncle & all women must think my goodness this man is very ballsy in his behavior. i just googled amy to see if i could find any pics from that fun-fun nite in tucson at casa vincente, & instead i found this great write-up that she did in her column, advice goddess. how wonderful, amy. i just love!

---------------(the question posed to our advice goddess was one about the problems of lap-sitting)------------

Let's be honest: What disturbs you isn't the "dreadful over-the-top flirting," but the dreadful leaping up from your lap as if electrocuted. The answer isn't making pre-emptive announcements — not unless you're in some race to humiliate yourself before other people can get to it.

You just need to act like the kind of guy who'd be dangerous for a girl to tease. For a role model, I suggest the one-eyed, boozing, chain-smoking, gourmet food-hoovering poet/novelist Jim Harrison, who looks and sounds like the product of drunk sex between a pirate and a grizzly. At 73, with his mere presence, he makes young player-dudes seem to have all the sexual mojo of Julie Andrews. (As a woman, you get the sense that if you get too close, he just might grab you with one of his big paws, pop a truffle on you, and wash you down with a swig of Spanish wine.)

In other words, your problem isn't that you've been humiliated, but that you're acting humiliated, letting this girliepoo set the tone. Instead of hanging your head and hoping to evaporate, refuse to be shunned by teasing the tease: maybe pointing to your knee and asking if she'd like another ride on her new pony, or grinning and sticking out your hand, fingers wriggling, as if it might get loose and make another run for her leg.