thurs / feels like a rant day all around

i feel like ranting much like kate zambreno on her blog about the blaaaaahs of adjuncting (or whatever) & being young & woman. ive been teaching on & off for years. school has been in sesh for a good month now & every time (every single time) i enter the faculty room someone tries to stop me or either the ole BATS at the front desk are whispering up a storm & quite frankly i am tired of it. finally i said to them (THE OLE gossipy BATS), let me just introduce myself, i do actually teach here, i'm not breaking into the faculty room. you see me every week, right? & their comment, oh yes we know you just look so young. well hello everyone, im 29 & a college adjunct instructor.

ive been teaching at the school, just different campuses, for TWO years (since i was freakin 27) & ive yet to be treated like this. it's a bit annoying to say the least. that on top of students not showing up, not paying attention, sleeping, etc. i am trying to get out from behind the bar & afford myself a more cerebral writer's life, when instead im just constantly aggravated.

i used to make in ONE NIGHT BEHIND THE BAR what i make IN ONE MONTH in the classroom. now im not meant to be a bartender forever no doubt but jesus, this is all ridiculous. i feel like a nursemaid/babysitter in class--when it is soooooo not my style to get pissy with students, nor do i want to have to lug them through the semester on my back--id rather be an exciting lit teacher--& then there is this flip side of being questioned again & again for 'oh my goodness what's a student doing in the faculty area using the copy machine' hello. world. a woman can be in her late twenties & teach college & write books & evidently, in my case now, make next to NOTHING doing way too much. dont get me wrong, i love to teach. it's what i want to do. im just aint easy. & on this pay im never gonna be able to buy myself a horse. so it matters.