You should always plan ahead, because you have to find the best place for your beloved one, especially one which is affordable and good at the same time (this is the most difficult part). For example, home care Denver (https://rahomecarellc.com) provides perfect services, like in-home care. You can choose your own caregiver, as well as the days and times of the service. I think this is really nice.
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那么,我该如何为所有这些付款呢?言语很便宜,他们不付账单。如果你有一大笔钱,一切都很棒
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It's a very good article and quite helpful but i think not every body can afford this assisted living.
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I am finding this incredibly difficult. You cannot reason with dementia. One minute she say’s she understands it is the right thing to do, then she starts with the “I don’t want to go!!!” “Say you aren’t doing this right away!” I took her to a lovely facility and she loved the room, was an instant hit with the people there, then she backpedals and we are back to her digging in her heels and bemoaning the loss of her inlaw unit and possessions. I want to beat my head against the wall. She is so difficult, I have given up everything for her over the years of agreeing she move in with husband and I because she was not safe in the two story, 4 bedroom house I grew up in.
Now, she is not safe in the inlaw, she is a major fall risk and am tired or worrying about turning my back to clean, do laundry, to find her on the floor, once again to hit her head and end up in the ER. I am WORN OUT!!! But one minute she gets it and the next she goes right back. Somebody kill me.
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Awesome article, as usual. Unfortunately if the older adult has dementia, all persuasive efforts and teaching moments may come to naught. Would love to see you address this issue in a future article!
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Good article; however, all this assumes that they or the family can afford the costs of an assisted living facility.
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After my 82 yo father fell for the 3rd time in a week, I told him I could no longer be on call. The 3rd time, he forgot it was my morning at the gym, kept calling an texting for an hour, thinking I was on my way over for Sunday morning coffee. He finally managed to get up and when I arrived was angry and berating me for not responding sooner (1 hour at the gym). Even though he had gotten himself up and was working on bandaging wounds, I called the paramedics to check him out. Went to the ER for x-rays etc. He was mad at me for 2 days. Oh well. He's been mad before and probably will be again. I told him as his only child, I will continue to do what I think is needed for his personal safety and health.
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Thank you for the suggestions Carol. In my case (85 yo mom) I think the main obstacles are trying to overcome fear of moving, fear of change, and the traditional stigma associated with an "old folks home". I'm not sure logical arguments help at this point. It's trying to overcome fear and excuses.
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这篇文章对我有很大帮助!谢谢你。
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我妈妈只会去博士或杂货店。她不会认为我担心她。她希望我一直待在家里,不会穿我带她的生活警报项链。我确实担心,但是我已经厌倦了看家人度假和享受生活。我现在一次去几个小时,但十多年来没有一个过夜。我很累,我的健康遭受了痛苦,我一直都在哭。这里没有帮助,所以我不再尝试了。我现在发现妈妈是自私的,但我的兄弟姐妹实际上越来越多。当她甚至不考虑时,我如何让妈妈去那里享受好处,她是如此顽固,我真的不想等到我不再能做到这一点,不得不告诉他们和al她摆脱它是一张床和护士。 Mom needs friends and activities, or she will just continue downhill till all she can do is lay in a bed. I'm so lost, what do I do?
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This was a great read.
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good ideas, mom has resisted every idea-we tried your ideas, still refusing- has needed an ambulance to pick he up off the floor twice in 1 week. we are afraid for her now what do we do?
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you didn't let your mom down - no way. hugs, again...
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They want to be paid? Shocking. Surely they can provide housing, catering, nursing, domestic, security, advocacy, administration, facilities management, staff training and activities services without demanding fees.
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Nasmir, I am sorry for your loss.

人们可以从几乎任何获得c . diff设置;莫st commonly it happens after broad-spectrum antibiotic treatment, and normally they are put on isolation if in a healthcare facility in an attempt not to spread it. You have to wash with soap and water as hand sanitizers will not kill it. It is usually not fatal in someone who is not already debilitated but it can be if treatment does not work. By itself, just acquiring c. diff does not mean a facility was negligent, which you have probably found out if you tried to report or file a suit. You are hurting and you are angry and that is very, very understandable. We've been arguing with you mainly because we don't want other people like us to feel totally horrible about using a skilled nursing facility when it is really needed, and most of us do feel badly enough to start with and wish we could handle or could have handled things at home.

Again - my sincere condolences though!
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本文首次印刷于2010年,我始终感谢Carol对这些主题的信息和见解。
However the main barrier I see to assisted living is the cost.
Long term care insurance is way too expensive for many people and the benefits are often limited and the company like most other insurers are slow to respond to claims even when the case is very urgent.
协助living would be an ideal solution for me in the not too distant future but alone not in a married situation, where, as we age our long term partners need their space.
Being solitary by nature the idea of sharing a room with another resident in a nursing home is my idea of prison and being encouraged to participate in the "fun" activities is my idea of punishment.
就像我的感觉一样,但我可以对朝着这个方向鼓励的老人如此同情。我没有痴呆症,因此可以看到这种感觉和需要的感觉,但不能对次级标准设施进行,因为我负担不起真正不错的东西。我并不难处理 - 我将其收回,当我经历比专业护理少的情况下,我非常困难。例如,当我被标记为“跌倒”风险时,只有黄色的礼服。我承认,如果我没有足够的能力来接受非常好的照顾,我可能会是。我也足够有能力知道何时是否需要使用辅助设备。同样有一次,助手将我蒸为“爱虫”。幸运的是,我只见过她一次。
我们确实有朋友决定在需要之前搬进一个进步的辅助生活社区,这样他们就可以在需要的情况下进行渐进的步骤,但价格为4000.00美元,而且没有太多人的购买力。有这样的现金。
To sum up I think I would have to be too incapacitated to argue before I agreed to be placed.
This is not to say that i think all the sons and daughters who have given up their lives to care for elderly and usually ungrateful narcissistic parents should be expected to do that, with no help from society thus increasing their burden on society after they too become needy because they were prevented from providing for their own needs.
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WileyJ - Where you said: "I have a problem with some of the patronizing language I’m reading in this comment section" - you are not alone!

有些人非常迅速地通过关心他们的年长亲人,试图篡夺决定符合他们最大利益的权利。好吧,如果那是你,当你想到 *你 *时,你会告诉我我想被告知对你有好处。

协助living can be an extremely good option. I plan to prepare myself for it in due course, and if possible move in well before I'm forced to by circumstances. But some people genuinely would rather die than move away from everything they've ever known, the home that's been their adult life's work. They haven't the least interest in making new friends, or the energy to enjoy stimulation. Please respect that choice too.
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Nasmir, I'm so sorry. I totally understand where you're coming from now. That's such an awful experience your mother and you just went through and my heart goes out to you. I can see why you think it would have been so much easier if she'd have just died outright in the beginning. I just don't agree that someone should have made that decision for her. I really am sorry you had to go through all that though.

我看我妈妈慢慢地死在医院里rom lung cancer. It took her three days to die after we took her off the ventilator... fortunately she was full of morphine most that time and was mostly unaware, but it broke all our hearts. She had no chance of survival and she had a living will she'd written a couple of years before she got cancer that asked, if it were legal at the time of her death, that she be given a physician assisted suicide if death was inevitable. Sadly, it wasn't, so instead we all took turns sitting with her around the clock so she wouldn't die alone. So I do feel for you.
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Nasmir,我通常会尝试变得甜美,积极和支持,但所有人都可以做到!您确实想要一个“简单,整洁和错的答案!”您确实认为人们应该健康并避免痴呆,但是如果他们不能,他们应该只是自己!不必解决衰老问题的好方法...

但是说真的 - 如果您真的认为永远不应该有真正的问题,是什么让您进入老化的环境?您能否分享您的生活和/或亲人的真实情况?
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Nasmir ...我确实同意一个人的选择权是对任何未来生活质量没有希望。

But heaven forbid...I definitely do not agree with your second point at all. How would you like to be the 64 year old with Alzheimer's who they (and who would they be, pray tell) decide to kill when one year after your death they find the cure that will reverse the illness?
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Ah Alas Nasmir, if only you were correct. Sadly, that's not what the experts say...

"The experts say that in just a few short years, as the population of baby boomers retires, long-term care of the elderly will become a national crisis. In fact, it’s estimated that 70 percent of Americans who reach the age of 65 will need some kind of long-term care for at least three years during their lifetime."

因此,一篇题为“为什么对美国老年人的长期护理前往``危机''的文章的报价''pbs.org。

I do have to agree with Vstefan's though...This is all a moot point to those in this forum who are struggling with their loved one who is among those 70% in the hear and now. They have come looking for empathy and support in their current battle against their senior's symptoms of aging regardless whether it was lifestyle, genes or simply time that's caused em.
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Nismar...I think you must not have read my full post. I said (and will, more often then not, need help). In other words, some will live to a ripe old age and die with no help at all, but many more then that will need some help before they die, regardless of how they lived. Some will need more then others, but help will be needed by most somewhere along the path to death.
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Um, no - unless you have one of the autosomal dominant genes for early-onset Alzheimer's or CADASIL (early-onset severe vascular dementia) what you choose to do lifestyle wise makes a huge difference whatever genetic cards you've been dealt. But 1) there is no absolute *guarantee* that healthy eating and physical and mental activity will stave off all illness or disability lifelong; not all of us will be "wonderful one-hoss shays" where everything conveniently falls apart at once and any of us could need a little care some day. (I personally work hard at the lifestyle things, well aware of my crummy family history and a few bad things on 23andme that help expalin it - AND have long-term care insurance...) and more importantly 2) people on here are trying to deal with what IS not what could be or should be.

BTW, using an assistive living or skilled nursing facility is not a death sentence - I've had friends go back home after rehab, and lots of us truly cannot manage care by ourselves and need to use one, and if you stay on top of things and are willing to switch if any given facility is a bad fit, someone may live longer and better than with home care or no care for sure. It can be about getting as much out of life as possible even when time is limited and the circumstances less than ideal.
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Yes, you can reduce your risks of vascular dementia, and maybe Alzheimer's depending on your genetics, via healthy living, but it is not necessarily easy and that does not mean you can eliminate these things. And you can't make someone else live a healthy life nor can you reverse things for someone else who has not been healthy for many years. Wishful thinking is no help to people here on AgingCare.
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无论您多么努力保持身体健康,您都会变老,身心都会失败,您将死(并且更常见,更常见,然后不需要,在您做之前需要帮助)。
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Moving to a new community can be a very stressful event in the lives of older adults and their families. It is frequently accompanied by major losses: changes in health or cognitive status, mobility, spouse or friends, possessions, driving ability etc. A striking amount of research on relocation of older people has found that if the move is involuntary – the older person feels forced against their will – their self-esteem and health suffer. However, if they are part of the decision to move they often have a more positive adjustment to their new home.
认为你会觉得如果你的孩子普罗特ed behind your back and neglected to include you in decisions that impact your life? A diagnosis of dementia certainly complicates the situation – because change is very unsettling. But you can still explain simply and gently why are where they are moving and highlight the positive aspects like meeting new people and enjoying fun activities. They are still a person fist and foremost who deserves to be included, and treated with dignity and respect.
I have a problem with some of the patronizing language I’m reading in this comment section. Older adults are not ‘children’ who can’t be reasoned with. Just because they aren’t excited about moving from their home doesn’t mean they don’t know what’s good for themselves anymore. Our homes are so much more than physical structures – they contain our memories, our identity and offer us privacy and comfort. When our needs outgrow our homes, it likely won’t be an easy decision to move for us either. Which is why it’s so important to reframe the conversation – when we feel a part of that decision we will feel empowered, respected and view the move as more desirable. The adjustment will take time, and you have the best intentions for your parents, but please remember to treat them with the respect you’d wish to be treated with at their age.
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我完全理解,Helpimhumantoo,当我们的年长父母想在我们需要改变自己的生活时继续生活方式时,会感到非常不满。

My parents had a wonderful fun filled 25+ years of retirement traveling all over the place, eating out, going to plays, going to the movies, etc. But once they stopped driving in their late 80's, I became their wheels, and had to take time off from work for all of the appointments, shopping, groceries, haircuts, etc. Eventually a job I had for 24 years was gone, headquarters decided to eliminate the position as others were doing my work. Thankfully I found other work, but it was only part-time.

我的不满是我要70岁,当我向前看退休时,这将不会是我计划的。由于压力所有的压力,我的健康状况发生了一个糟糕的转变,我看起来在过去7年中已经20岁了。没有假期,谁能享受自己的担心现在堕落的人,有人生病了,被打电话给911等。我妈妈拒绝了照顾者。

Is this what my parents had wanted for me? Probably not, but their world stopped at their front door, and my parents still viewed me as being 30-something.... [sigh].

Move ahead to today, after Mom passed, two weeks later Dad said he wanted to move into senior living... say what?.... poor Dad, he wanted to do that years ago but Mom refused. He really feels that she would be here today if she wasn't so stubborn.
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Yes, I agree with the posts here. We are told "force your father into an assisted living facility". Ya, you try! He is very stubborn and think that we want to get rid of him so that we can have our lives back! Yes, that is correct, however what he doesn't know is that we will not abandon him like he thinks we will. We are 5 siblings who do the best we can. We have jobs and 2 of the 5 siblings have suffered emotionally and physically. I cancel my own doctor appointments because of his needs. It is just not a far situation. There are very little resources for us and the department of aging isn't properly funded in order to provide what we really need which is counseling for the caregivers. We have power of attorney for health and finances, but we don't have guardianship. I'm constantly made to feel guilty because I don't do enough, don't call enough, don't do whatever enough. It will never be enough for my father. Because of his narcissistic personality disorder, we, the siblings, have an added layer not typical when dealing with just older dementia patience. That no one talks about. We gave up our lives as children and now we are giving up our lives as adults. When will it be our turn to just live! I'm sorry... I'm going a little off course here, but it is so frustrating. I pray everyday that God take my father, despite my love for him. Can you imagine a child prayer for the death of a parent. Wow, that is not me, but it has become me. God help us all with these situations. I pray that each of us find our way and can live with ourselves when the pieces fall.
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My siblings are in the same situation. 87 year old father, parkinson, dementia, diabetes. Not the kindest person either but considering our upbringing by our sweet deceased mom, all six of us are in meetings and dr appointments. The doctors have a moral obligation to tell him he can't stay home. We've tried everything and now have to consult an attorney. His last hospitalization was because he insisted to have foot surgery, and I asked the podiatrist for a home health care visit. It was this sweet nurse who called and was alarmed of how high his blood sugar was, which landed him in the hospital. We have him in rehab to buy us time to consult an attorney. The doctors told him he can't live at home. His answer: "I have things to do--are you going to pay for my AL?" (he has money)... The doctors looked at me in astonishment. (I wanted to say I REST MY CASE.) So yes, it sounds wonderful all the information and how to prepare them, etc. We've been there, done that. He's biligerent to us and yet we are still trying to find him a place. One friend said 'well if he doesn't want to move, leave him alone and die there." No, we're getting an attorney. Thank God he's still in rehab until we take our next steps...sorry for the long comments but I sympathize and empathize with everyone going through this. God Bless everyone.
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I trully like the story.
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