I'm the oldest of 4 siblings. My mom fell and broke her hip last year. 3 Days later my sister finds her in an awful situation. My sister has lived next door in a home she bought from our mom, for 5 years and now that this has happened she has decided that none of us can have her NEW phone#, visit with her or have any say in her care. I don't know for sure but it just sounds fishy to me. Although I want to, I don't go against her wishes. My mother has been a hard person to love but she's still my mom. How can I find out for sure if this is my mom's doings or my sisters? My sister been on SSD for over 10 yrs. and I draw SSI since 2015. I don't see how she can care for her when she she can't work. ?? I'm concerned for my mom. I haven't been in her life for 3 yrs. now because she suffers from dementia. Maybe I'm over thinking this but is there any way to have her checked on without causing a big stink with my sister? My mom can't even pay her bills. She bought a new car a yr. ago, drove it 1 time and she parked it. No doctor appointments, no one visits but my sister. I don't want her to think we don't love her but what do I do?

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I am about to ask a dumb question,, but you say you haven't been in her life for 3 years, because of her dementia? Is sister keeping you informed? You seem to know some things.. Why the sudden interest? It sounds like you have had no say in her care for at least those 3 years? Have you given sister any help at all? Have your other siblings? What does your sisters SSD have to do with anything, as likely your Mom has some income or money for her own care? If she was able to buy and insure a new car she must have something in the bank! More information would be great
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Reply to pamzimmrrt

Call APS, and forget about causing a stink with your sister. Least of your worries. What's she going to do, isolate your mother twice?

Besides. Your sister has been living next door to your mother (I assume you mean that literally, next door in the next house right there) for five years, and your mother breaks a hip and lies unobserved and unchecked on for three days?

On reflection: considering the state your mother will have been in and the delay in reporting the injury, I shouldn't be at all surprised if APS are already involved. Hospitals are staffed by mandated reporters and there ought to have been a referral.

But none of that is your concern. Your concern is that your sister, primary caregiver to your elderly mother, has cut off communication. Report it.
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Reply to Countrymouse

你可能需要调用APS的健康检查the same information you are giving us, but FIRST, send a loving and heartfelt note to Sis. Tell her that you are worried for her; tell her that you know about Mom and are worried that she is taking the brunt of all the care. Offer to help in any way you can, buying grocery deliveries, taking the laundry, cutting the grass, whatever you might be capable of doing. The best way to get bees is honey.
If that doesn't work you can open a case with APS and let THEM assess if your Mom would like to see you, if your Sister has a legal POA and if she is able to do what is required under it. It is a difficult job with many legal demands.
Wishing you the best. Hoping you will update.
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Reply to AlvaDeer

You can contact Adult Protective Services and ask that the situation be checked.
You can contact the Police and ask that a Well Being Check be done.
And there is no way you will be able to get the welfare of your mom checked, verified without it "causing a stink" with your sister. Just by calling the Police or APS and setting checks into motion you are going to cause a stink. She will rightly think that you have concerns, doubts, fears about your mom's wellbeing.
Who is POA for your mom? Who legally is responsible for her medically and financially?
If mom is not cognizant someone will have to assume Guardianship if she has not appointed anyone POA (or if papers were signed after diagnosis of dementia.)
And..I have to ask...Have you gone up to the door and knocked on the door and asked to visit mom? Or just walk in like you used to? (I assume everyone just walks into mom's house)
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Reply to Grandma1954

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