我母亲已经任命了我和我的丈夫mPOA’s, and I am also my father's MPOA. There is dissension in the family and the majority are making medical decisions without our knowledge. Ex: hiring caregivers, not giving prescription meds that Mom's Drs have prescribed. Being that they have also decided that my sister can move into the house and be there M-Fri they believe they have the right to do whatever they want and most of the time they do!! Mom falls, dad falls, they don’t tell me, but the caregiver does on her next shift. Now I’m wanting to try to help my parents with some alternative solutions per my mom's primary care physician but my brother, who is the FPOA, is ignoring my requests for this treatment and refusing to pay for it, or reimburse me if I pay for it. Can all of these things be done? I’ve searched the internet to find articles regarding the positions of the MPOA and FPOA but nothing that helps in these instances. Doesn’t the FPOA have to pay for any and all Medical care? Can he just ignore my requests and refuse? Can the family, because they are in the home, make medical decisions without consulting us, the MPOA’s? Any thoughts or suggestions?? Thank you!!


我n general, POAs are activated in one of two ways:


Helpful Answer (0
reply to caroli1

1。read the POA document. See how specific or non-specific the terms are.
3. Is the MPOA durable?
4。一个re your parents incompetent?
5。我n general, if your mother is incompetent, you as the agent under a Medical Power of Attorney are authorized by her (the principal) to make any health care decisions she would if she has the capacity. You as agent may direct medical treatment according to the wishes your mother has expressed to your when she was competent.
6。我n addition to having an MPOA on file, your mother's medical providers should also require a HIPAA form signed by your mother when she was competent. Medical providers should not be sharing your mother's medical information with anyone who does not have a HIPAA form.
7。Do you have a relationship with your mother's health care providers? They should know who you are and that you're your mother's agent.
10。Don't wait to hear from your siblings about what's going on. Go see for yourself if you can.
11。我f your siblings won't let you properly take care of your mother and you are worried for her physical safety, you can contact Adult Protective Services.
12.最重要的是 - 联系老年律师。您父母的财务和医疗利益似乎受到孩子无法相处的摆布。是时候引进可以尝试正确设置的专家了。
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reply to reallyfedup
benice2me may 9, 2022
Thank you for the frank advice. Attorney costs are a big hurdle but we have already contacted APS and Coast department in our City which is an entity that works with the Police Department. It’s sad that hatred is overshadowing the proper care for my parents.
Sorry, hold on - you and your husband have medical POA for your mother, and you have it for your father; but your parents' primary caregiver, living in the home with your parents, is your sister?



一个nd your brother is in charge of the money.

Your parents might just as well have gone out and taken a baseball bat to a hornets' nest.

我s either parent able to express a preference on decisions at the current time?
Helpful Answer (2
reply to Countrymouse
benice2me may 9, 2022
我妈妈是一个完全无法理解d making decisions and dads abilities are not to good either with his dementia. And Yes. Why wouldn’t I be peeved when she moved in, and she and my brother won’t follow the medically given protocol for either of my parents and then hire caregivers without my direction. Ya I’m peeved. Wouldn’t you be if your diabetic father was not provided with the correct meals because they don’t feel it’s necessary? How about taking the locks of the gates because she doesn’t like it when mom gets angry and now both parents can leave and or get ran over or lost? We went back, out then on, only to be removed again and then the VA dr came over and let me one to formally give them a warning and if they didn’t comply then he with contact APS, so then they followed the direction. Then she and the FPOA hire unlicensed caregivers who follow her protocol not mine. When my mother was discharged from the hospital they stated she needed 24 hr care and so we hired licensed caregivers and sought out hospice help in the home until both entities quit because of the unruliness, safety issues and constant berating of these entities by my siblings. Constant interference, lies and deceit. We can’t physically be there 24/7 to take care of my parents and then they choose caregivers that follow their direction, not ours? And now my FPOA brother has joined the unruly club to allow my other siblings to do as they please because he doesn’t want the responsibility to care for them medically and it’s easier to have them do it for him. They Give him direction and withhold it from us as the MPOAs. Sure we can call APS, call the police and get a restraining order against my brother and sister, then what? We are constantly needing to get updates from the VA caregiver, who is paid for by VA and has worked with me before moms Stroke in caring for dad, who is competent and knows of the deceitful tactics of my siblings regarding my parents care. But the alternative is to get APS to deem the situation unsafe and take over there care. Do we want that, do we really want the state to take over, NO! but trying to get ones to cooperate is not working either. Why can’t adults act like adults and do what’s best for their parents. It’s very simplistic what is needed but I’m sure that is where we are heading.
我f you still have those recipts that were not reimbursed to you, you can go to small claims court on your own. Any expenses filed in small claims are covered if the judgement is in your favor. The legal fees will cost less than $100. Bring your MPOA as evidence.
Helpful Answer (1
reply to MACinCT
benice2me may 9, 2022
That’s what I was thinking. So petty that this is where things are heading. Thank you
第一的ly do know that if the principal is now unable to make any decisions, and there is a disagreement between MPOA and FPOA this can get very dicey indeed and can end in court with enormous costs involved or minor decisions.
That is worst case screnario and believe me you don't WANT THAT. For many reasons but most of all that you may be stripped of any powers at all, there's enormous costs involved and you may have to pay them if you lose having brought the issue, and that ALL disagreeing may be losing the power with the state assuming guardianship or temporary guardianship. That is to say in court it depends on the judge and the judge can do anything.
Do know that the MPOA has almost no/very little power in anything but an EMERGENCY care situation in which the patient him/herself cannot give his opinion.
You are not understanding either MPOA or FPOA and I suggest you get the advice of an elder law attorney (this is on your OWN dime) to explain to you the powers in your state of a MPOA and of a FPOA and the powers as written in your own document as MPOA.
我TRR's advice to read what the powers of MPOA and FPOA are is a good one, but your misunderstanding of both documents seems to me so acute that I would much prefer you to see a Certified Elder Law Attorney to explain the documents and it would be well worth the 400.00 or so for that hour and would save hours of hassle and argument when there is an ill parent involved.
So sorry for the grief of the illness and sorry for the misunderstandings which make this all so much more difficult. But if you cannot work with the FPOA (who quite honestly has more power than you do) I fear for the outcome.
我t is truly a sad thing that the person who conferred these duties did not give them to the same person. It would cause/could prevent, just this sort of dissension.
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reply to AlvaDeer
benice2me may 9, 2022
我think your ideas on the MPOAs abilities are a little off. The MPOA is the one who has been designated by the Principal to have the right medically to choose the caregivers, treatments doctors and facilities that the principal would need to receive for the care and no one else has that right, and if there is money in the estate, which there is, then the FPOA is to pay for the needs of the principal. This is from an Attorney’s website in Los Angeles.
“What can a medical agent
decide? As long as the POA says so, (this is my Dilemma) it can give
authority to decide everything medical. Also states: Make healthcare decisions, including the ability to consent to giving, withholding, or stopping medical treatments, services, or diagnostic procedures. (Note: your
loved one can also make a separate
"health care power of attorney" to
give only this power to another
medical care such as hospital
and psychiatric treatment
Choose care providers
Decide on assisted living
The principal must be able to afford the arrangements.”
be, welcome to the forum.

Go to your states website and read what the law says about POA. This will help you understand what the POA actually means and what responsibility the POA holder has as a legal fiduciary.

Can your parents speak on their own behalf?
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reply to Isthisrealyreal
benice2me may 8, 2022
我will check that out. I’ve just read that the MPOA has the right to make necessary decisions medically without other family members acknowledgments. I’ve tried so many times to discuss things but it sheets goes south. Just as in medication to help moms behavior, they then post that I am trying to kill my mom and keep her in a comatose state. It’s ridiculous and hurtful! My mother cannot at all, she steals but it dies not made sense, and my father, with his advancing dementia, many times does not live in reality. He does have a great sense of humor, but may not understand conversations or questions asked of him. Good days and then not so good. Fixation and confusion is a problem now. Ex: when are you taking me home? When he is at home? He might stick to this all day long. But both are physically doing good for 92 (dads diabetic) and 89 (mom suffering from lasting stroke issues) But could be better if the family would follow my suggestions and help them more with diet and medications.
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