My sister is 81, husband 86, he had a stroke 9 years ago resulting in cognitive decline (no bodily damage). She is now suffering from caregiver burnout. One daughter who lives in same town and sees them daily, believes that father should move to assisted living for people with issues and her mother to apartment nearby. The other 3 siblings (live in different town/states, see parents rarely) say that is not necessary, that the folks are fine ! They "perform" in front of their children and can do so for a day or so. (Our mother accomplished this VERY well, she "performed" for our brothers - they told us we were nuts.).
Daily living is quite different: he criticizes my sister all day long, with issues that happened 40 years ago. In addition to the constant repetitive questions and other such behaviors. She has begun to yell back at him due to burnout. Both feel very hurt by the other person.
一个住在同一城镇的孩子已经迈出了搬迁到居住/独立的公寓的步骤。其他兄弟姐妹抵制 - 说如果母亲服用焦虑药，她会没事的，他们从此以后会幸福地生活。父母彼此非常相爱，但不能再应对痴呆症的压力。但是，当3次访问中的任何一个中的任何一个都非常正常，因为这是1-3天的持续时间。我的姐姐“行为”是因为她非常担心他们对自己的看法。镇上的一个女儿一次安排了一个星期/10天。目前，我姐姐有一个月的喘息时间。一旦她再次回家，情况只需要几天就会恶化。
Anyway, here's an article on the very subject of showtiming:
Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation.
I'm tired of her acting like she is just fine when she speaks to my brother or her friends. She say's I am her "confidante". I don't want to be her confidante. I want her to at least be honest about her medical situations with my brother.
。..of course, only you know all the facts...
sometimes, however, it's better to die at home...than than have more years (maybe unhappy?) (i understand some people are happy, but many people are miserable) in a facility.
。..some people in facilities are surrounded by doom/gloom/death/maybe new friends, but the friends are dying/die/depressing/screams, noises at night/hard to sleep...i wouldn't be surprised if some of us spent a full 48 hours in a room in a facility, we would run away.
some people would maybe say your mother was lucky.
(there are people who really hope they die before they reach the stage of needing a nursing home.)
it's not about quantity (how many years old you get, when you're elderly)...rather quality. if you've already had a full life, then for many people, as much as possible, they'd like to finish their lives at home.
a very early death is a totally different matter.
sending many hugs!! :)
It's shocking that the out of town kids can't be more supportive and that they feel like they can tell their exhausted mother, at 81, to take some pills and handle it. And they need to stop second guessing the in-town sibling as well. Must be nice to not put in the time but be able to proffer expert opinions. They need to support getting him into care and let her try to have some peace, as she has to watch this debilitating disease take the soul and personality of the man she loves.
There are some articles out there, but I encourage them to look it up on the Alz.org website--plenty of threasds there! Here are a few:
You'll have to copy and paste them into your browser's search bar.
Since the caregiver is having problems with unresolved burnout, she should be the one to help make arrangements for her parents' care. Since the others are not part of their parents' usual care, it would be better from them to trust their sibling caregiver.
If needed, ask their usual caregiver to get mom and dad tested for cognitive and behavioral issues. Referrals to neurology and geriatric psychology may help to document these issues from a trusted, objective professional.