How do I make my mother realize she doesn't have disposable income?

Good Morning,

有时，当您生病时，NH，痴呆症等。对于他们来说，太多信息可能是一个问题。他们无法处理。

This is what I do...we are average people but most people in my social circle don't have mega money but they are responsible and life happens.

我simply hold my mother's hand and tell her whatever you need we will get for you. It could be pajamas, a new hairbrush, new shoes, etc. Basically you don't have to give them a lot of info. I am from a large family with a lot of kids. When dad was living the financial picture was different. After dad passed very suddenly when I was in Grad School, ironically, today, on Mother's Day I told Mom she can no longer afford to plop down a lot of money baking a spiral ham, etc. and the grandkids come for Sunday Dinner and take a few bites and my sister-in-law thinks she's doing us a favor by showing up. The next generation did not take over the tradition because sports has taken over. That subject could be another whole forum.

Things change--you have to curb the spending of gifts for the grandchildren. These kids have everything, have been everywhere and really don't appreciate anything you send them anyway. I'm lucky if I get a thank you note.

my mother was always very generous too. So I tell Mom I dropped some canned goods and pasta off at the Church Food drop box. This makes her think she is helping people even though her money is tight. If there is a School Supply Drive at Church, I do the same thing, coat--mitten drive, we participate. They want to contribute and think they are helping others. Perhaps, you could pick up a dozen of donuts for the staff at the NH and tell them your mother wanted them to have this! It's doesn't have to be a million dollar donation to build a new wing.

接下来，超市是购买鲜花的好地方。对于假期，在五金店购买正在销售的植物，等等，并将其作为“房屋礼物”传递出来。您不必去冷火鸡并完全停止。人们了解NH中的老人无法离开，但他们不想被遗忘。他们想保持循环...

我不得不告诉母亲 - 这是我们的预算，这就是我们可以做的。您必须打扮这些东西。我想告诉一个NH家中的一个人，他们没有$$$会吓到他们并削弱他们的精神。当我去Dollar Store时，我一直都知道，在我走进去之前，我有购买电力。

我想你收到我的消息。我在同一条船上，但我妈妈没有一件事。我父母的下一代不仅仅是慷慨，是时候堵塞堤防了。换句话说，停止支出。

基本上只要告诉您的妈妈，她的所有需求都将得到满足。您可以在美国邮件和eCard中使用卡片来确认生日。您认为家庭需要一点帮助，这是不同的。这是个人选择。

Things change and you have to face reality but don't give them too much information. Holding their hand and reassurance is the best thing! Letting them know that everything is being taken care of and they don't have to worry about a thing.

是的，您需要告诉她 - 如果她有能力理解。您不需要像孩子那样对待她，因为她体弱了，而您为她处理了她的财务状况。她还需要停止像十几岁的爸爸信用卡那样花钱，因此，对你们俩一起进行成人对话是有益的。

“治疗纤维”怎么样？

“我必须与银行经理谈论汇款”。

"Mom, you're short thus month, let's wait until your SS check comes in".

“市场下跌，我们现在不想出售任何股票”。

如果您认为她有机会理解，我认为您应该说实话，但是对此并不残酷。您还需要提出一个好故事，并坚持下去，并计划从不同角度重复重复它。

my Mom lived her life through money. It gave her power. She used it as a bribe to get things done.

my Mom was a fall risk so she needed someone by her 24x7. We got help from an agency that was fairly priced for 9 hours a night. During the day, she would go to senior care. The rest of the time, she was with me. When I added up all the expenses after a quarter, I was shocked. I projected she had enough money for 5 years.

我们没有立即告诉她，因为我们认为她会在这一年结束之前死亡。她没有。

During this time, we also had an incident where Granddaughter wrote a check for a bill, and my Mom signed her name. About a month later, I wrote a check for the same bill, and my Mom signed her name. I caught it while I was entering it in the checkbook. My Mom had no knowledge of the previous check. At this point, my brother and sister decided that no one writes a check except me.

我妈妈很生气。她试图让我姐姐为她写一张支票，而我姐姐拒绝了。她问我的兄弟是否需要钱，他说他会问他的秘书（他的妻子）。在最爱的孙子也向其他人写下了支票后，她得到了她最喜欢的孙子给自己写一张支票。兑现后，我收到了支票。我告诉姐姐她的孩子做了什么，让我的姐姐处理它。我妈妈喜欢用现金购物。她会花它，说照顾者正在偷钱。年底，我考虑了妈妈的钱去哪里，让我的姐姐和兄弟知道。我妈妈的花费比5年的预测快。

由于我母亲喜欢与我的兄弟谈论财务和事情的成本，因此他提出了她要超越她的钱的话题。她不相信我们，对我们感到不高兴而生气。

每当我们谈论财务或商品成本时，我们都告诉她，去家比留在家里要便宜。最终，她辞职了，开始提出问题。其中之一就是“因为她真的希望孙子拥有它，所以她家将发生什么”。我告诉她，如果我们找不到其他收入来源，我们将不得不出售该公寓来支付她的照顾。

一种fter 7-8 months, she finally started realizing that she shouldn't give out money out as freely as she did. The only issue was the granddaughter who had a job, but felt obligated to take money from Grandma when offered.

Now that Mom has moved into MC, she talks about finances and how are we going to pay for the AL. I tell her "you have enough to live on for the rest of your life however you do not have excess money to give away"

So yes, I would level with your Mom. Show her totals. Do not get too detailed. Do not tell her she has no money. Tell/Show her how her expenses are being paid. Be prepared for anger and crying or no reaction. Be prepared to tell her what you have had to do to get the expenses in control. Try not to put the blame on her for the lack of money. Plan to repeat the same story over and over again possibly from different angles. Try to use a calm, matter-of-fact voice.

它will be an uncomfortable conversation. However, if you present it correctly, it could open up a whole new conversation on finances with her rather than the bundle of money emotions that it is causing right now.

祝你好运。

您在个人资料中提到妈妈患有痴呆症。
You can not reason with her.
您没有给出任何解释对她有任何意义。如果这样做，如果她现在明天就不会明天。
所以告诉她...
哦，妈妈，我今天忘了卡，下次我来时，我会带他们。
mom, the battery on your phone died and I left it charging on the counter.
mom, you ran out of checks, I ordered them but it will be about a week before they come in.
确定她会生气的。
尽量不要让它不高兴。
我f she starts to get upset tell her you have to leave and leave. Even if you just got there. Do not engage in the anger just go.

您是否代表妈妈申请了医疗补助？

我f she has dementia your “honesty” will be a lost cause.

Her depression is likely to be related more to the dementia itself than to what she thinks, or you tell her about, “her” finances.

它is OK to tell her that her banker is going to check on what funds she has available, that she has to wait until her interest is compounded, that she will need a new passbook, that you haven’t time to get to the bank………………ETC.

我f she gets mad, you shrug your shoulders and tell her it’s not your fault.

The anger she focuses on you is inappropriate. You give her a big hug, tell her you love her and that you’ll see her tomorrow and leave.

我f she has cognitive or memory impairment: no. There's no point because she won't remember and you'll have to re-tell her and she'll re-experience her anger and anxiety and/or she won't really be able to comprehend it or come to grips with budgeting or solutions.

如果您真诚地认为她有完全掌握新闻的能力，我认为您需要在那里拿着印刷预算（如果您有Apple笔记本电脑，可以使用数字应用程序来轻松创建图形描述图表）。您需要向她展示该设施的实际账单，因为她可能不知道这些费用，从未真正居住过预算。

我也同意使用一个共同的敌人，例如正在支出的“财务顾问”或“会计师”。

Your profile says Mom has a Dementia so telling her will really not sink in. You were wise in taking those things away. Really, upon entering a NH there was no need for them anyway.

对于患有痴呆症的人来说，金钱似乎是一件大事。和我妈妈那是“我们需要说话”。她一直告诉我有人需要钱。我会告诉她，他们有自己的家人可以给他们钱。其他任何人都会是一名员工，他们不应该问，我对她的人有任何钱感到不舒服。她的痴呆症进步了，我不觉得这对工作人员来说是公平的。

告诉她真相了。她有一些钱和must LAST and you are in charge and you will SEE TO IT that it lasts as long as it possibly can. Thank goodness you have taken over. I would tell her exactly what she has. When I was POA for my brother I gave him a monthly accounting of every penny in and every penny out of his Trust, and Estate and I gave him monthly totals of cost, interests, accounts and etc. He has had a small spending account of his own of 5,000.00 which he only --amazingly--grew!
让妈妈用黑白看。告诉她，只要您能做到这一点，就可以在那里支持她。
我f she chooses to be angry, well, then she will be angry. That is a shame for her. But you are doing your job. Tell her you will be going home, as you have a lot of files and accounting and work to do. That you will stay longer when she's in a better mood.
lies never work. And they are CRUEL. Tell her the truth, gently. You will just have to live through her reaction and go on. YOU are doing the RIGHT THING, and you KNOW that. That's the only one who NEEDS to know it. Don't expect her thanks for it. You won't get it.

dear OP, hug!! :)

这只是我的看法：一定要告诉你的母亲她没有钱。这是她的钱，她有权知道自己的财务状况。而且，如果她知道现实，她就不需要花自己的精力对你生气。没有人喜欢生气（关于事实修复）。

hug! tell her.