After much family distress we have decided on a care home for our 95 year old dad. My siblings and I have cared for him at home since our Mom died in January 2020 and Covid slammed the world. It's time to get him full time care. The home we've chosen has come with much family turmoil. It's an older facility, a homelike environment vs one that has granite counters, high ceilings and private bathrooms. Some of us feel it will be an easier adjustment for him as it's smaller and the furniture has the lived in look. Much like his own. The others are upset we are taking him to a 'dump'. No matter where he goes, he will not be happy. I guess the big question is how to physically get him in there? We have talked about his moving 'for the winter', safer, he won't get lonely etc. I doubt he can comprehend what it means. My brothers took him there for lunch. We'll do it again. He's mild to moderate in his dementia, although it's our diagnosis based on what he is capable of doing. I know I feel sick thinking about having to say good bye and leaving him in the hands of strangers. Need help.
You're not "saying goodbye and leaving him in the hands of strangers". You're not going to walk out the door and never come back! It'll be difficult in the beginning, but it gets easier. Like when a parent takes their kid to kindergarten the first day. You're saying "see you later" and the teachers may be strangers to you. You may miss your kid during the day. But you know the school will call you if they need to, and will keep an eye on the kid. If you truly thought your kid was in danger at the school, you wouldn't place them there! Before long, your kid is settled in a new routine and so are you. It'll be okay.
在reality, Memory Care is a safe, controlled environment for the elders where they get to socialize and do activities which are geared for them specifically. They get 3 hot meals a day and 3 snacks; they get 24/7 care by teams of caregivers and nurses who check on them all the time. They pick them up when they fall and they hand out all of their meds on a schedule. The stigma we attach to managed care residences is ridiculous, in truth. They exist for a reason b/c they fill an enormous need.
Drop dad off at his new home, kiss him goodbye & say see you later, dad. Then visit him often once he's settled in. Don't create a crisis for him by showing him you're upset or sad, etc. Be upbeat and smiling the whole time. He'll be fine.
Wishing you the best of luck accepting what is, and your father the best of luck acclimating to his new home.
find best place possible … visit everyday … bring favorite food and snacks presents .. when you do that your husband will be assured you
haven’t abandoned him and you’ll both look forward to dignified visits as man and wife and not dependent
whereas at home there’s you 24/7 or even if you get lots help at home … they’re rarely good and he’s still isolated….
there are no good options here
i think so too. hug :)