I need advice. My mother had lived with my husband and I for three months. She needed a hip replacement and a plan to prepare her finances.

If your mother is of the mind "you owe me because I gave birth to you and brought you up" there is no way to convince her that her "Old World" way of thinking is wrong.

Caring parents bring children into the world to launch them, to individuate and develop their own families and their own paths, not to tie them down with Fear, Obligation and Guilt.

发送妈妈卡并跳过电话和讨论。

I think only time can heal a hurt of betrayal.

您现在知道您不是安全地帮助妈妈的解决方案。很高兴知道并帮助您保护自己免受未来的伤害。

如果您的妈妈独自生活，而她这样做是不安全的，那么您应该联系APS并举报弱势群体。不要提出介入，只需让她加入系统以确保她的安全。

Honestly, if mom signed everything over to your sister, who cares. Mom will likely need assistance, like a facility and there will be nothing left or your sister will be doing the hands on care and she will earn everything she gets.

Getting over things like this should never include us stepping back into the situation again.

I want to add, education is expensive, in a classroom or out. You got an education and it was 3 months of taking care of your mom. You got off cheap if you learned your lessons.

A heartfelt thanks to everyone!! I’m going to try to see my therapist regularly. Take care of myself and not get so anxious about everything. Looks like my mother is either ignoring me. I need to keep my boundaries, and others need to respect them.

Lizzy, I think it's best you distance yourself from your mother. If talking to her only turns into fights, then stop talking to her for a long while, so that you can have some peace in your mind and healing in your heart.

If you want to talk to her then limit your conversations to simple pleasantries, then say good bye. It's pointless arguing with her.

You are justified in feeling betrayed; you were betrayed.

However, living with a grudge or feeling angry is not a good way to live your life. Do whatever you need to continue to have honest, open communication with everybody.

As a Christian, I ask God to help me let go of the anger and indignation. I'll report things to authorities as needed, but I figure that God is responsible for meting out justice. I also believe that living my best life with love and gratitude is the best form of revenge. Not sure if this helps you, but it helps me to "forgive and move on" with all my family's transgressions against me.

您的妈妈和姐姐表现得不诚实。

You wanted her financials to be honest and above board.

你为什么需要克服任何东西？

他们欠您道歉，因为他们的不诚实并试图利用您，您是否觉得？

该死，我只是失去了我写的一切。

在我看来，妈妈有太多的钱，无法从医疗补助那里获得帮助。有了Medicaid“在家”，例如Medicaid为LTC支付的费用，您没有资产。您必须花费2k。您可以留在家里。因此，妈妈“保留”她的钱意味着她将永远没有资格获得依赖妈妈在一定收入下的服务。她为您的洗澡升级付费会导致医疗补助罚款。Medicaid不会将其视为对妈妈的帮助，而是您在出售房屋时从升级中获利。

What does sister think, that by paying Moms way means she gets to inherit Moms money? Must be a lot of money. If Mom has that kind of money she needs to spend it on an aide. My Aunt had 30k and Medicaid expected her to spend that on an aide before they would take over.

“我和我的母亲正试图克服所有这些”，从您给出的回应中，您和妈妈从来没有建立过良好的关系。也许是时候退后一步，意识到您将永远无法建立所需和想要的关系。特别是如果姐姐在图片中。似乎两者都有自恋倾向，像这样的人在一起。假设您以您将继承和不知道您的承诺支持妈妈，她将您从遗嘱中写出来，sis继承了一切。论坛上的成员发生了这种情况。

I am 72 and had a widowed mother and MIL and my husband and I never supported them. If it had come to that, we would have looked at the reason why they couldn't pay their bills. Could they get assistance? Could they cut something out, like cable. My Mom stayed within her income. I did take her shopping for her Birthday and Christmas and bought her new clothes. But she never complain and never seemed to do without. She did have CDs to fall back on. My MIL, complained all the time about not having money but she belonged to VCR, cassetts, CDs clubs. Plus those magazine things where you pay $20 per month and every two months you get a figurine. When she died, there were VCR, cassettes and CDs she had never opened. And VCRs were on the way out, DVDs had taken over. Oh, and magazine subscriptions where you pick 5 magazines and pay $20 a month for the next 5 years and Readers digest books. When I think of the money she had spent after my FIL died on junk in her 70s and 80s, I cringe. She took $1000 from my BIL to fix her pump and when she died he found she had 30k+ in the bank.

So you were not wrong to tell Mom she could very well support herself. And when she can't then she looks at options. If she owns a home, maybe she should sell and move into an apt. Then no upkeep or taxes and she can offset her budget with the proceeds of the sale of her house.

So sorry you need to deal with this but you will find there are plenty others in the same situation as you.

My sister has posted on social media pics of them at Thanksgiving. I didn’t want to attend, I’m still angry at all of them. She wants me to look bad, she wants to look like the better daughter. She’s always been a narcissist and it took my 52 years to see the light. I cared to my mother for three months. I didn’t advertise everything on social media. I just did it.

Bullies do not respect boundaries. They'll be back when they think you are "over"
whatever is bothering you.

Lizzy，道歉不会改变他们的行为，也不会治愈您的受伤的精神。只有你才能做到这一点。它有助于不重播您脑海中痛苦的对话和情况。相反，专注于使每天的生活变得愉快，充满爱。由于我们无法控制别人的想法和说话，因此花费时间和精力来改善您的生活。他们将永远是他们选择成为的人。您有同样的选择。没有内gui。没有羞耻。不后悔。