My husband’s dementia continues its daily thefts and I continue my daily reassessments of what is and is not mine to do. Our schedule, such as it is, is mostly around getting the ADL’s done. How much of my job as a caregiver is also about keeping him entertained? I haven’t found anything that works on that account.

我似乎是他唯一的锚,他认为他till is, so I try to be present with him as much as possible — moved my desk so we can be in the same room while I work on taxes, etc.. He looks to me for answers, direction, help, etc. But he also spends an inordinate amount of time sitting in his recliner, looking at junk mail, perusing magazines, reading the occasional Wall Street Journal article on his iPad, looking at his photos (some of which have mysteriously inserted porno poses into our family’s memory collection. He may comment on how interesting an article was, but of course is unable to tell me anything he read. He does not like cards, board games, jigsaw puzzles, brain teasers, etc. Watching TV together is mostly him staring at the screen in between dozes. He doesn’t seem to follow the storyline, but does seem to enjoy having something going on that accepts his attention without requiring anything of him in return.



The bottomline, according to this forum, is to make sure your husband is safe, clean and comfortable. So by that measure, you don't need to be the social director but I'm social director for mom so that I get a break, I can do my chores around the house and she's not following me, looking for me or talking gibberish or wondering when the next meal is (even tho' she's well fed and gets plenty of nutrition).

Reply to wearynow


I am not an entertainer. I told my grandson that MomMom bakes cookies but I don't play. My girls knew that too. I made sure they had what they needed to create (both artistic, Mom not) but they did the work themselves. So what did my Mom do, sit in her area and watch TV, which she rarely did at home. We went out to dinner most nights and usually found someone she knew to talk to. Eventually, though, she was getting no stimulation at my house. I placed her in an AL where she walked the hall (went in a square and always ended up in the common area) had socialization, activities and entertainment. She seemed much happier.

以下是您可能考虑的几个想法。我父亲现在已经过去了,但我们有类似的问题。他有一个窗户,他可以从他的卧室里看到,所以我们推出鸟类饲养者 - 他喜欢看着他们。如果你有空间,请尝试放入鱼缸。观察非常治疗和有趣。音乐总是很好。爸爸每天都想要这篇论文,虽然它得到了他没有再遵循的地方;这更像是他的习惯。我们每周都会让他们的狗停下来,他喜欢它。即使有了晚年,他也在抱着或与狗一起活着。 Sometimes I just sat with him and listened to music or watched tv. He slept off/on but was glad when I was around. It’s tough- but we do the best we can with grace & love in our heart. Good luck and thank you for being there- that’s most important!


I keep the TV on for her, she can listen to her favorite channel & music channels. She can call the dog to her bed & drop the dog a biscuit, but she can't reach the dog to pet her due to partial paralysis. I tell her anecdotes about cute things the dog has done lately.

We don't have family left to visit, and her friends have all passed on, so no visitors that way.

She complains about not being entertained. But, sleeps off and on all day. It's a very difficult situation. And, I believe it's very common.

我所做的一件事是“有趣的新闻”。我读或看到的电脑上会找到一些有趣的或奇怪的东西 - 并将告诉她。她真的很喜欢。有时候我过去遇到的FB上的一个朋友会询问她,或者在他们的生活中有一些有趣的事情。我也告诉她这一点。

When I prepare meals (her hospital bed is in the living room) I'll sit and chat with her during meal prep, etc.
I try to chat a bit whenever I see her & she's awake.

She also has digital audio books from The Library for The Blind but doesn't listen to them too often anymore.


A caregiver that comes in 2, 3 or more times a week can keep him occupied and do some tasks around the house that will help you.
( if you do hire caregivers, or if you allow him to help with some things put it in your mind that as long as it is done it means less that you have to do even if it is not done exactly the way you would do it. If they don't fold the towels exactly the way you do does it matter as long as they are folded and fit on the shelf where they are supposed to go?)

Ioanna Sep 2, 2021
What a wonderful reply! How kind you are.
I hired a companion caregiver for my 99-yr old aunt with mod/adv dementia and nearly immobile, with not-so-great vision and this lady was awesome for 6 years. She drove her around and chatted with her, took her for walks, etc. Now my aunt is a fall risk so we had to go to a differently qualified aid, but this one also keeps her busy. My aunt still knows how to play a certain card game fairly well (and we do allow her to go by her own rules sometimes) and Rummy-Q. A few years ago I bought several DVDs of her favorite musicals but she couldn't seem to follow the story line and sometimes became alarmed if there was any violence or "bad things happening" in them, BUT fast forward to this past year and now she watches them every day with the closed caption words on the screen -- she keeps up by reading the dialogue. We also ask her to help us with "chores": she folds towels and sorts socks and plastic utensils and things that we put in front of her. Your husband can do this too: it gives him a sense of purpose and you are not directly entertaining him. He can sort or pair nuts and bolts, put together Duplo blocks following a pattern that you draw up (and there is no wrong way for him to assemble it), he can chop veggies, cut old t-shirts into rags, etc. He can do the same takes multiple times a day if he doesn't remember doing them the first time. A bird feeder is usually very entertaining placed where he sits most often. Fish tanks are too much work for YOU unless you hire a service to maintain it.

或者您是否考虑过成人的日托选项?他每天都不必去,但你肯定需要休息。你没有义务填补他的每一个醒着的时刻。关于他的互联网接入的一个警告:这是诈骗者和手中的网关(色情可能是你的最少的问题) - 所以我会确保你开始监控或结束他的访问。我92岁的老妈妈在她每天玩“脑比赛”时,她有一个订阅卢克斯,或者在她的平板电脑上玩卡或瓷砖游戏。

One thing to keep in mind is that what he likes to do can change as his dementia progresses. My 85-yr old bed-bound MIL with mild dementia in LTC was actually reading a novel when we went to visit her the other day. In all the years I knew her she never once read a book, not even to her grandkids. We were so shocked -- and she was really enjoying it, said she couldn't put it down.

Reply to Geaton777

I have a similar situation with my MIL. I really do feel like her “events coordinator” because she has no hobbies, and has so few interests.

Now, right now our routine is shot as I’m in the hospital being caregiver to my dad who suffered a brain bleed, but once I go home again and life returns to some sense of normal, a routine is the first thing I establish.


I think we look at their life and imagine that we would be bored out of our skulls, but (I don’t know about your husband), but my MIL doesn’t seem particularly bored. I don’t think they need the same amount of stimulation that we do. I’ve talked to her new PSW that will be starting in a few weeks, and she’ll take my MIL to the mall once a week in the morning to get a coffee and look at the shops. Just something different to do.

Reply to Lizbitty
是的 Sep 2, 2021



Save the magazines and junk mail to be reused over and over. Since those things still occupy his time, use them. Whatever he selects to do on his own, let that happen. It may occupy his time and yours.
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