My brother passed this yr he was 56, this was hard for the family mostly my mother. I find out in May that my older sister stole from my mother 3,000. I deleted my sisters kids from media, the reason because they were protecting their mom ( sister who stole mom’s money ) . I have 2 other sisters who are so upset too with my sister who stole .. my mother need things like dentures, and etc, but my mother is not mad at her didn’t seem like it, but the sister who stole from mom is the caregiver. My other sister want to be the caregiver I know she will do a better job, then the sister who stole. The sister who stoled= told my mom that she hates her. I mentioned that to her ( mom) and mom said oh she was sick, I told mom that’s no excuse for her to tell you that, my sister who stood mom money said that in front of the doctors, sister took mom to get a check up, my nieces the sister who stoled the money ( daughter) had the nerved to tell me that my mom don’t care, because the sister who stoled almost died I don’t know if that is true because they lie. Why is my mother protecting the thief ( sister)?

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Lupe, unless you can prove that Sissy actually “stole” $ from your mom AND your mom is competent and cognitive enough deal with the police to file charges against this Sister AND mom will go thru whatever the DA needs to do to prosecute Sissy, I’d suggest you stop accusing her.

为什么?Well Sissy can say that mom, who this Sissy is caregiver for, gave her the money, OR that Sissy used the $ to buy things specifically for mom, OR that mom wanted cash-on-hand and Sisyy got mom the cash & she has no idea what mom did with the $. If Sissy lives with mom, she can also say $ was spent on household needs. Unless your 90 yr old mom (not you) can understand and on her own be willing & able to file charges against her daughter, get interviewed by APS, this is going nowhere legally. And as APS gets involved it might can have more serious consequences…. I’m assuming mom gets social security income, so what might can happen is APS contacts SSA so SSA requires mom to have a representative payee for her monthly income or APS has concerns as everybody seem to be utilizing mom’s resources to benefit themselves so APS ask for ward of the state oversight on mom. You don’t want to go thete if it can be avoided.

It’s a family squabble. It’s $ 3,000. The reality is that’s a teeny tiny amount of $ when it comes to the costs for caregiving and providing for an elder OR to spend on repairs / living costs. It’s not even a felony $ amount in a lot of places.

I’d suggest that a family meet be called with the purpose of:
- fresh POA for both legal and medical done for whichever sibling lives with mom or is her principal caregiver
- mom goes to the bank to have BOTH the POA and another sibling to be signatory on moms banking. So accounts can be monitored.
-预算是为妈妈做了基于her costs have been past 2 years. You take it upon yourself to do the research to get the #s on this as you & your hubs own a business… use whatever program or CPA you use for your business if need be. All siblings sign off on the budget.
- And during the meeting, it needs to, NEEDS TO be made clear that at age 90 the probability is that mom will need a higher level of care than 1 person could ever provide. So discussion needs to happen as what to do then….. if it’s just 1 sibling that takes this on imo they need to be paid for caregiving. Mom has SS $; mom can get a elder law attorney do a legit caregiver contract with taxes & FICA paid to the caregiver child. And you since you have a business, help mom set up IRS & Fica stuff.

Please pls pls realize that should mom get to the point that she needs care in a NH or needs in-home aide and applies to CA Medicaid, her past financial details will get reviewed. If mom appears to have gifted $ to others or spent her $ on others like mom paid for her sons funeral costs or any of his medical bills or paid a hefty chunk of a grandkids wedding or tuition, Medicaid can place penalties against mom so she’s ineligible for some Medicaid programs.

I’m going to guess based on your sentence structure in your post that English is a 2nd language. If so & if mom is not fluent in English, find bilingual resources & bilingual legal to go over all this with your mom.
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Reply to igloo572

Theft is a serious accusation. Depending on the laws in your mom's state of residence, $3000 might even be a felony theft. If I were in your shoes I would take what *actual* evidence of the theft that I have and take it to an elder law attorney. This attorney will tell you whether it is theft, or whether there is enough evidence to take your sister to court. If you don't have enough evidence you will have to let it go and move on to protect your mother in other ways, if she requires it.

Who is your mother's PoA? This is different than being the caregiver.

Does your mother have a medical diagnosis of cognitive/memory impairment made by her doctor in her medical records? Your mother may not be "protecting" your alleged thief sister, but rather if she has dementia is no longer able to reason correctly. And it appears like "protecting".

You can pursue guardianship of your mother through the courts if she won't or can't make a more trustworthy person her PoA or caregiver.

I wish you much wisdom and success in helping your mom in appropriate ways.
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Reply to Geaton777

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Reply to gladimhere

" the sister who stoled from mom is the caregiver,"

You wrote in your profile that you take care of "Lupe." Is this your mother? If you say your sister is the caregiver, then what do you do? If Lupe lives in independent living, what are her needs and what are your sister's responsibilities?
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Reply to CTTN55

What do you do to help mom? Maybe mom wanted to show sis appreciation by paying her?
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Reply to gladimhere

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