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我和我的妻子于2016年搬到国外三年。那时,我不想搬到国外,因为我的父母是老年人,父亲有帕金森氏症。无论如何,我们搬到国外,我离开工作,担任她作为尾巴的工作。我们在那里度过了三年。现在我们回到美国。她现在想再次出国搬家,但我父亲取得了很多进步。我已经与她交谈,并告诉她,我想与父母更亲近,因为我担心他们的健康。她给了我最后通,几次说我们是不同的人。我们有两个小孩。我想在那里陪伴父亲,但我不希望我的婚姻被毁坏,也无法见到我的孩子。我应该离开父母,还是应该分开照顾父亲? I don’t want to ruin my marriage over this but she will not compromise.

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你的婚姻已经毁了由于that your wife is unwilling to compromise. Marriage is a team effort that requires working together to achieve an end you BOTH agree upon. What if the tables were turned and you were issuing your wife an ultimatum, forcing her to move away from her elderly parent who had a serious disease? How would she feel about that? She doesn't seem to have empathy to be able to see how important it is for you to be there for your father and also keep your marriage together, at least for the sake of your children.

你已经放弃了你的工作后,离开了我们when you didn't want to, if you do it again, you may live to regret it once the resentment kicks in. Then the marriage is compromised AGAIN, even more than it already is!

It sounds like some marriage counseling is in order, if, of course, your wife is willing to see that it's necessary. If not, you have some very serious thinking to do about your future and what you want it to look like.

对不起,您被迫进入这样的角落。我和我丈夫昨晚刚刚谈论团队合作以及使婚姻工作的重要性。祝您一切顺利,祝您好运。
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回复Lealonnie1
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Don't let the kids leave the country under any circumstances. It sounds like she wants them out of the US before she files for divorce in a friendlier (to her) jurisdiction. And it does sound like she is orchestrating how best to divorce you.
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Reply to BikerBob
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Santalynn Dec 12, 2021
I think BikerBob is onto something here quite possibly; consult an attorney just to cover your bases.
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I'm pretty sure you would be getting different advice if you were a woman posting the same dilemma, you need to be there for you children, their needs 100% take precedence over those of your parents.

Your description makes your wife come off as a ball busting alpha witch and you as a milquetoast doormat, do you feel that is an accurate representation of your life? If so then maybe some counselling could help you set healthier boundaries in respect to both your wife and your parents.
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Reply to cwillie
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Your marriage takes priority, especially since you have minor children. Is it possible your wife wants to move because you are spending too much time/effort/attention with your parents? Will your father ever be able to transition into a care facility once he can't live on his own (and if he's still married, it may become too much for his spouse to handle)? Will he have the funds for it? Would he be willing, or is he "assuming" you into the caregiving role? As his disease progresses, if he is able and willing to move into a care community he may get better daily care and have more social exposure than being a prisoner in his own home and having his son orbit around him for all his needs. Aging-in-place sounds romantic but often is anything but, especially for the adult children caregivers.

话虽如此,您妻子的“最后通atums”并不健康。也许与婚姻顾问的几次会议将有助于客观地将事情置于你们俩的视野中。您的焦虑和悲伤是真实和可以理解的,但是您妻子对不永远束缚父母的期望也是如此。辅导员可以帮助整理它,以便您俩都可以(希望)做出统一的决定。
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Reply to Geaton777
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BurntCaregiver Dec 10, 2021
Geaton,

Moving further away from aging family to avoid being pressed into caregiver service is understandable. Families have been known to do just that and no judgements.
打包他们的配偶和孩子,然后离开该国有点过分。如果他们与我母亲打交道,去月球避免成为照料者将是可以理解的。
The more probable explanation is the wife wants out of the marriage but doesn't want to be the "bad guy" and just be truthful about it. Making her job the "bad guy" and the reason for an international relocation of her husband and kids, takes any blame off of her.
The poster should start talking with a few divorce lawyers and see what his chances look like to get custody of his kids so they don't have to be uprooted and moved to Thailand.
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从未结婚的人,但是由于它的价值,为什么一个人愿意在不讨论或与其他人妥协的情况下拖动其他人?不仅如此,还呢?他们会从这一举动中获利吗?我不知道您的关系状况,但是基于其他人的兴起,放弃工作,家庭和朋友似乎有些虐待。
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回复Tynagh
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Save your marriage.. My husband and I have been together 11 years. We spent the first 8 constantly taking care of first his mom and stepdad then his dad and stepmom, between being caregivers and working we had no time for each other. Both sets of parents passed 3 years ago and shortly after my husband was diagnosed with Cerebellar Ataxia with Parkinsonism, it progressed quickly so now he is wheelchair bound as the right side of his body is completely useless and his left side is at 50%.

Looking back we realize we should have lived our lives, his parents had had theirs, they had travelled, lived and loved, we never had or will have that again. If he is in a place that takes care of him you have done your job as a son. Zoom him and talk, visit him when you can, but live YOUR life.
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Reply to BORNINUKGIRL
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Ok, this may seem harsh for the crybabies, but ill just throw it out there. The wife doesnt auto get the kids in this day and age, so you can keep them and she can hit the road. If she makes more then you get spousal and child support. If you want to care for your dad in his end of life stage and you can handle it until you cant anymore “do it”. Seek out in home care even if just for a couple hours a week to help ease in care by others, and a little free time for you and the kids. Teach your kids compassion, patience, kindness and love. Its all that really matters in this life.
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回复Deosgood
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lealonnie1 is right. Your marriage is already ruined. It seems to me like your wife is putting this impossible ultimatum on you because she doesn't want to be married to you anymore. By doing it this way, it lets her get out of your marriage and also gives her a way to put the blame on you. She'll use "work" as an excuse for going back to Thailand because that's where she wants to be. It's where she wants to be, not where she has to be. Remember that.
Stay in the United States if that's where you want to be. Don't stay here for your parents and don't become their caregiver. Stay for yourself. I don't know you, but it sure seems to me like you're probably the one who made most or all the sacrifices and compromises in your marriage. That's not fair.
也许与离婚律师交谈。还提醒您的妻子,孩子是美国公民,您是他们的父亲。这可能会阻止她在某些事情上变得可爱。祝你好运。
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Reply to BurntCaregiver
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I am surprised you are having this dilemma at all. The idea that you would think about letting go of your marriage and in particular your children, to care for your parents, sounds a bit strange to me.
在决定任何事情之前,我会考虑对您与妻子的关系进行仔细研究。您可能经常把父母放在首位吗?最好照顾我们的父母,但是在他们走了之后,您会感觉如何,您让您的孩子在此期间走了?当您的孩子长大时学习他们不是先到第一名时,您的孩子会如何看待?
You have not said anything much about your relationship with your wife and why she might feel like this but your first step might be to get to the bottom of why she is unhappy and then make decisions on how to compromise.
Good luck.
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Reply to wiseowl
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Sorry to say this but your marriage has already ended a long time ago, you just failed to see it for what it is. Move on with your parents and see a divorce atty ASAP
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回复Coppertino
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