Hello. My sibling moved into my Mother's home after she had a fall and needed care (I am out of state and have kids to take care of while she does not). Since then, she has taken over all bank accounts, CC's, uses her car, and lives there. She has also made all medical decisions without consulting me, although we are joint POA's for medical.

She refuses to talk to me and seems angry for no real reason. She refuses to share or discuss any financial info, and if I ask about Mom's condition (she is not at home but has been in hospitals, rehab facilities, or ALF's), she just texts me to call the facility for an update. They prefer to only have one POC and usually do not call me back.

我have no idea why she is so angry, but she is an odd person. She is the executor named in the will, but I am not sure if she is the POA for financial, and she will not discuss that or anything else.

我s there anything I can do to gain access to financial records? Can I find out if she is now the POA? Can I find out if the will has been changed? My mother is not competent and has dementia, so discussing with her is not an option.


我f Medical POAs were made up why not a Financial one at the time?
我f your sister was able to take over accts, she has some kind of authority. As a POA she is not obligated to give you any financial info. Actually she shouldn't because she is Moms representative.

我f you share the duties of Medical POA, send a copy to the home and tell them they must give you info when you call.


我don't think you are trying to save ur inheritance. But I think there is more going on here and until your sister decides to tell you what, I would back away.
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我apologize to other posters here. I’m great full for this great site.
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Reply to Justwow123
我bg1480 Aug 7, 2022
我明白,遇到你。当我do get updates, such as "mom's in the hospital, she broke her hip" the next sentence is "call the hospital if you want more info". That is not fair, as I can never get through to my mom and the nurses will not call back most of the time. When someone tells you your mom is in the hospital, the natural reaction is OMG, what happened and how is she? Shouldn't be that much of a fight to get some basic info on her condition.

She is not caring for mom at her home either, mom has either been in a hospital, ALF, or rehab place. Still, I appreciate her being there. Just wish she was more open to discussing things.

Being that your sister is in the trenches 24/7 and you're after her about the finances, if I were in her shoes, I'd be going all quiet on you too, sorry to say.


我f I were your sister, I'd be seriously irritated and taking no calls or communications from you at all. Zero.
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Reply to lealonnie1
我bg1480 Aug 7, 2022
Thanks for this. I have been thinking about this since I read it and appreciate your perspective. I have not idea if she is the POA or not, she may just be paying bills as they come in, and she will not discuss any of this.

你问她,她认为你可以做什么help? Telling someone you will take over the financials is basically telling them you don't trust how they are handling it. It may not be what you meant but that is how they heard it.

She most likely has to live there, so yes she should get access to everything. My suggestion is to go there and see what is really going on. Spend a week there to see the real picture, not just 2-3 days. Then maybe the two of you can figure out a plan. If she is still hostile after this attempt at least you can say you tried.
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Thanks for your answers, both of you. I will say that I have offered to handle the finances, and she would have access to every statement and transaction at any time. I have also acknowledged that I know this has fallen on her and I have offered to come for a week or two so she can go home, but just get anger back about both topics. She will not talk to me and said she will only text or email.

我know it is stressful and I appreciate her being there, but never thought it would become antagonistic. It would seem as though I would have some rights to be involved, but I don't want to go through an ugly legal war. Just not sure what I can do at this point.
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Reply to Ibg1480

my YB has POA for my mom and he acts the same way. Never tells the rest of us anything, never shares info about her health or finances--crickets.

Personally, I don't CARE if he shares or not. He's very angry all the time and no one knows why. He CHOSE to move mom in with him 25 years ago--even when the 'family vote' was 5 against and 1 for the move.

Now he is exhausted and angry and very uncommunicative. If I want to know something I have to go to his house and corral him. It's ridiculous, really.


也许SIS觉得您正在利用她的优势 - 或者她感到被烧毁了,没有人在乎。在与她交谈之前,您不会知道。
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