Hi guys. SO here i am again having such a hard time watching my mother get sicker and older and not well. It is killing me i cannot sleep i dont want to eat and i try to be strong but then i start to cry i am going to visit her soon and i am so nervous and scared to see how she looks and i pray i can hold myself togehter i know i will in front of her but walking away from her when i leave is when i am probably going to lose it. MY sister went last night and said she does not look well she had to feed her she looks weak and older my sister and i have a love and hate relationship to begin with so we do not argue with alot of things. everytime i start to cry or feel sad or say something she replies you have to be strong blah blah blah honestly i am getting to the point where i dont feel like talking to noone and i want to be alone. sometimes i am preparing myself for the worse for my mom thats how i can handle things INSTEAD my sister is not she keeps saying she needs to be strong she has to do it the work she can do it blah blah blah!! AND ANOTHER thing that annoyse me about her is she keeps saying age is nothing i know 90 year olds who can do that can do this mom is 85 she can do what the hell is she talking about yes ok age is a number but people are different some are stronger that others honestly sometimes i want to just scream at her!!!!!!! BUT i need to hold it together because right now the FOCUS IS MY MOTHER trying to get better and making sure she is taken care of not my sister being a complete jerk
Yoh are experiencing anxiety, big time. It may be time to talk to your PVP to get in line with some counselling. There are things you can do to help yourself overcome these intrusive thoughts.
And some daughters are as tough as old boots and relentlessly positive, and some daughters need to...
... feel the fear and do it anyway. As you say, the focus is on supporting your mother as she fights. I expect your sister is irritating the bejasus out of you sometimes. Ignore her. Do your best for your mother and then blub all you like when you're back in the car park. Have a good visit, take this (((hug))) with you.