妈妈被送回家,有3周到一个月的上衣才能居住。乳腺癌向骨骼转移。非常激进!博士告诉我们,这是快速传播的,并带她带来临终关怀护理并井井有条。已经一年半了。是的,我说了18个月。她的表现比我和我的姐姐更好,他们每天都在与保姆一起分裂4个小时。我们做什么?我和我的姐姐喝酒,现在喝得更多,疲惫不堪。她全职工作2到3个小时,与妈妈住了一晚。 We’ve sacrificed everything to let mom stay at home to end her days. Mom has done nothing but improve but is bedridden. I’m sure has nothing to do with cancer. It’s lack of rehab and want to. Hospice doesn’t offer rehab for her. We’ve tried thinking she could get independent enough to stay alone some. She can walk assisted a little. She does not have the use of her left arm which makes things more difficult. She has started getting on a potty chair but can’t get the depends back on. Things like that. My sister is falling apart and bitter, We both are. I don’t know what to do anymore. We don’t have a lot of money for sitters. Average $10 an hour so $80 a night just for her to sleep at her own home. I handle the day shift and also keep my granddaughter who is 18 mths. I have a day sitter for 4 hours. And I’m still exhausted. “I’m your mother” is my moms favorite quote which I totally block out anymore. Also “I’m the one with cancer “ is the other one. All the while getting waited on hand and foot. Hospice comes 3 days a week for baths. She thinks we owe this to her. I’m sorry I sound so harsh. She doesn’t even acknowledge the sacrifices we have made for her truly. I quote “She’s the mother with cancer” I’m married 33 yrs 2 daughters and a grand baby. All have sacrificed. I know the perfect answer is “stick her in a home”. We have 2 facilities near by and both have a 1.5 rating. Any other suggestions? Almost sure she’ll outlive my sister and me at this rate! We are both in our 50’s. I just got my 2 children grown, educated and on their own. Was so looking forward to do what I wanted to do for a while. Help!! Thanks for reading. Sorry so long. I could go on and on. Wishing for my life back. Thank you for letting me vent. I just know there’s a an answer out there somewhere.

Find Care & Housing

When she says, "I'm your mother!"

You say, "Are you sure? Cuz, I am only taking your word for it."

When she says, "I have cancer!"

You say, "I think they read someone else's test results. Because you're 15 months past the expiration date."




精光 2021年12月10日
Thank you. I know your right!!
So, to continue...


精光 2021年12月10日
Thank you so much for your response!! I so much appreciate it. It’s so hard anymore to just get out of bed but I do it for my grand daughter! My sweet angel!! She gives me reason and hope!!
坦率地 - 我是你 - 未来还有2 - 3年。除了矿山可能没有更极端的诊断。我的FIL也相信要关心他。他很幸运能够免费照顾自己的照顾(长篇小说,但短篇小说是另一个兄弟姐妹需要一个屋顶,他让他们走进去,现在被“卡住了”),他觉得他们欠他24/7关心,但与此同时,这流向了我们所有人,因为他关心他。他从未有过长期照顾的计划 - 这一直是他的孩子。即使是现在,当没有人提供他的护理时(其中一个必须尽快进行手术,当然我们其他人不能在24/7全天候进行)。
We are JUST now really beginning to understand the full impact of this. He had a lifetime to condition my DH and his sibling to do his will - their childhood and adulthood was spent training them to feel guilty for not doing what he wanted when he wanted and they had an abusive childhood that taught them to fear their father and immediately respond to his demands, so it has taken them both a long time to even recognize that they do it.
结果,甚至让他们中的任何一个拒绝,这是一场艰苦的战斗。再加上他的兄弟姐妹住在那里,并拥有一些财务依赖,使他进入适当的生活安排 - 以至于我和DH几乎走开了很多次,因为我们的'义务在这里少得多。但是,我们对他们有着团结的感觉,似乎无法让自己做到这一点。因此,我们所有人都一起在泥泞中滚动,直到另一只鞋子掉落,我们最终可以利用系统来发挥自己的优势。
I've learned a lot here and frankly we are fully prepared with the emergency room dump and "unsafe discharge" and his sibling knows when the time comes they are on their own as far as figuring out their own living arrangements from that point on.

我想我的意思是 - 听起来很不幸 - 就像您像我们一样在手上的情况。我讨厌使用操纵和内gui之类的词,但有些人真的很擅长。我的FIL在不同的角度有几种癌症 - 都非常温和,易于治愈,现在完全消失了 - 但他仍然不断提醒我们“我患有癌症”,因为这是他的同情卡。甚至没有“我有”。有些人不管他们的情况如何,都只想确保您与他们一起生活。我的FIL的多个医生不知道他仍然如何活着他的一切错误。他们说他明天可以死亡或再活10年。

As is evidenced by the fact that they gave her just a very short time and you've already had nearly 2 years with her, you already know that this could continue. I certainly don't mean to sound heartless. But as caregivers you are already seeing that it can hugely impact your health. What happens if your sister gets sick? Or ends up in the hospital? Is it safer for your mother and better for you and your sister to have somewhere that she has 24/7 care and you can just have your time with your mother as your mom?
精光 2021年12月10日
Thank you so much for responding to my situation. I’m so sorry your in one similar. It all seems so unfair. The guilt!! The struggle!! Day in and day out. I’ve always tried to be a good daughter with nothing too n return. I just so much want my life to be my life!! There is is no my life!! Everyday is the same over and over!! God help us all!!
The boat is sinking fast here. Either many more hands are needed or pull into shore.

The 'more hands' option appears already at capacity.. so I really don't see any option but the other.



This is a very common thing that most people want when ill or faced with a terminal illness: to feel at ease, secure, comfortable in their own home. It is also very common for people to want family to care for them.


Another way to think about is - you & your sister have given your Mom a truly wonderful 'Gift' : of staying in her home for as long as possible.

You have reached the end of *possible* now that's all. So Mom will need to hire copious amounts of help or move into care for the last bit.





So, you do not owe her anything! Everything you do for is your own choice. You are clearly burnt out and need a break. I would say your relationship isn't that great to start with so besides more complaining, making some major changes will not necessarily change how you feel about each other.



耶拉氏菌 2021年12月9日
Reply to GAinPA
my2cents Dec 11, 2021
Agreed. It would eliminate the whole overnight care when she's probably sleeping anyway.
Your sister is drowning and you are close behind all because neither of you want to place mom due to guilt and fear.


You both need to come together and have a talk with mom about what this is doing to both of you and what the next step will be for the preservation of your sister and your mental and physical well being.

Mom may have been given an expiration date by a doctor which she surpassed by 15 months but only two of you are dying right now and mom is certainly not one of the two people.

Reply to sp19690
Rovana 2021年12月9日

What happened to your other sister, as you mention having 2 sisters in a previous post?



Reply to CTTN55
CTTN55 2021年12月9日
Oops...too late to edit, but the first sentence should have read,

精光 2021年12月14日
在February of 2020 you wrote:

"My mom had a mini stroke in November. She was in ICU for 3 days, hospital 1 week, and rehab a week. She has no damage from the stroke. Nothing showed on cat scans. They changed her bp meds and she returned back to the hospital for complications. Meds adjusted. She can't lift her left arm, her hand works nothing to do with stroke. The nerve is compromised between her c5 and c6. Problem is when she left the hospital my sister and I decided it would be good for mom to come home with me for a couple of weeks to get her strength back. It's 5 months later and she still here. I'm at my wits end. I've never been so exhausted in my life. I cook, clean, take her to dr. Appts. Everything! My sister comes by 2x a weeks and gets her in the shower. That's it! She doesn't want rehab, refuses to get an MRI on her neck to try and get her arm working and wants me to do everything. I try to explain that she has to get up and move around to get to feeling stronger and build her stamina back up. She still says she can't walk stable even though the 2x she had in house rehab she did just fine. They put her on blood thinners and she complains its cold even though I keep it warm to the point we closed our vent in our bedroom because it's too hot. She wants to just sit in the chair and do nothing. Insist she can't. I'm so frustrated and tired. I can't do this anymore. I'm so mentally and physically drained. It's getting worse every day. I try to explain that we've got to get her back home and get thing back to normal. My dad died 15 years ago and shes always depended on me and my sister for dr. appts. Groceries, yardwork shopping, everything. Then we would get the guilt trip constantly. I dont feel like cooking can you bring me something. This got to be almost daily. It's always been something. As if we dont have a life. Im so tired of feeling guilty. I'm tired of her sucking every drop of energy I have left. I beg my sister for help and tell her I'm so stressed out to the point my chest hurts. I dont want to get up in the morning knowing it starts all over again. My sister comes by 2x week and give her a shower paints her nails brings her goodies talks to her like shes a baby, spoon feeds her and yes I said spoon feeds her. I try to tell her this is wrong and it makes my job harder. She actually lives 1 street over from me and can only help 2x a weeks for a max of 1.5 hours . Shes works 8 to 3 no husband no kids just her and her dog and I don't work. So she justifies it that way. Ive always been the one to do everything for everyone because "i don't have a job". I just want my mother independent and back in her home so I can have my life back. I want to help my daughter and help her get ready for my 1st grandbaby. I have always been close to my daughters we would always do everything together. I miss that so much and they do too. My husband has been so understanding until now. Its putting a strain in our marriage. He sees how this situation has turned the longer it goes on. She doesnt want to be left alone. Shes scared she might fall or she doesnt feel good. Wants to know how long I'll be gone. I cry myself to sleep. I dont even fix my hair anymore. I rarely get out of the house. I'm losing my will and feel like it's all hopeless anymore. Someone please give me advice. I don't know what do. She wouldn't go to her last dr. Appt to do bloodwork. I had to reschedule it. I have 1 daughter at home that works and is about to graduate. She sees the stress I'm under and tells me this is wrong that nobody helps me and how my mom acts like she cant do anything for herself. Can you bring me this or will you hand me that constantly. Now she will actually call me on my phone in the house and ask me to do something for her. I feel so guilty for my feelings. I have so many mixed emotions. It's only been 4 months and I'm falling apart. I'm seriously considering a psychiatrist."

Have you EVER said " no" to your mother?
Rovana 2021年12月9日
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