当1个兄弟姐妹打破时会发生什么？没有她，我做不到。
妈妈被送回家，有3周到一个月的上衣才能居住。乳腺癌向骨骼转移。非常激进！博士告诉我们，这是快速传播的，并带她带来临终关怀护理并井井有条。已经一年半了。是的，我说了18个月。她的表现比我和我的姐姐更好，他们每天都在与保姆一起分裂4个小时。我们做什么？我和我的姐姐喝酒，现在喝得更多，疲惫不堪。她全职工作2到3个小时，与妈妈住了一晚。 We’ve sacrificed everything to let mom stay at home to end her days. Mom has done nothing but improve but is bedridden. I’m sure has nothing to do with cancer. It’s lack of rehab and want to. Hospice doesn’t offer rehab for her. We’ve tried thinking she could get independent enough to stay alone some. She can walk assisted a little. She does not have the use of her left arm which makes things more difficult. She has started getting on a potty chair but can’t get the depends back on. Things like that. My sister is falling apart and bitter, We both are. I don’t know what to do anymore. We don’t have a lot of money for sitters. Average $10 an hour so $80 a night just for her to sleep at her own home. I handle the day shift and also keep my granddaughter who is 18 mths. I have a day sitter for 4 hours. And I’m still exhausted. “I’m your mother” is my moms favorite quote which I totally block out anymore. Also “I’m the one with cancer “ is the other one. All the while getting waited on hand and foot. Hospice comes 3 days a week for baths. She thinks we owe this to her. I’m sorry I sound so harsh. She doesn’t even acknowledge the sacrifices we have made for her truly. I quote “She’s the mother with cancer” I’m married 33 yrs 2 daughters and a grand baby. All have sacrificed. I know the perfect answer is “stick her in a home”. We have 2 facilities near by and both have a 1.5 rating. Any other suggestions? Almost sure she’ll outlive my sister and me at this rate! We are both in our 50’s. I just got my 2 children grown, educated and on their own. Was so looking forward to do what I wanted to do for a while. Help!! Thanks for reading. Sorry so long. I could go on and on. Wishing for my life back. Thank you for letting me vent. I just know there’s a an answer out there somewhere.
When she says, "I'm your mother!"
You say, "Are you sure? Cuz, I am only taking your word for it."
When she says, "I have cancer!"
You say, "I think they read someone else's test results. Because you're 15 months past the expiration date."
成为癌症的母亲并不能使她有权吞噬您的生活，姐妹的生活以及由于她而不与您在一起的每个人的生活。
您是一个成年女性，不再受到她的权威。不是当她滥用它时。
我会告诉她，她通过不付出任何努力来对自己做到这一点，您已经付给了她任何可能欠她的东西。因此，将废话丢掉，否则您可以根据她拥有的/IS/INS/WIRS（如果不停止）来获得1.5评级的设施，这对她来说是有益的。
您将不得不认真地建立界限，因为她将从您和您的姐姐中获得统计数据。您的姐姐已经因为这个女人叫妈妈而自杀。在足够的足够之前需要发生什么？
您的母亲通过恐惧，义务和内gui控制您。自从您父亲去世以来，她就这样做了。
您和您的姐姐明天需要打电话给临终关怀社会工作者，告诉他/他为母亲提供家庭护理的能力已经结束。需要立即找到设施。
如果没有别的话，让妈妈喘息5天（由Medicare临终关怀服务涵盖）。在那些日子里，您可以找到比附近存在的更好的位置。
We are JUST now really beginning to understand the full impact of this. He had a lifetime to condition my DH and his sibling to do his will - their childhood and adulthood was spent training them to feel guilty for not doing what he wanted when he wanted and they had an abusive childhood that taught them to fear their father and immediately respond to his demands, so it has taken them both a long time to even recognize that they do it.
结果，甚至让他们中的任何一个拒绝，这是一场艰苦的战斗。再加上他的兄弟姐妹住在那里，并拥有一些财务依赖，使他进入适当的生活安排 - 以至于我和DH几乎走开了很多次，因为我们的'义务在这里少得多。但是，我们对他们有着团结的感觉，似乎无法让自己做到这一点。因此，我们所有人都一起在泥泞中滚动，直到另一只鞋子掉落，我们最终可以利用系统来发挥自己的优势。
I've learned a lot here and frankly we are fully prepared with the emergency room dump and "unsafe discharge" and his sibling knows when the time comes they are on their own as far as figuring out their own living arrangements from that point on.
我想我的意思是 - 听起来很不幸 - 就像您像我们一样在手上的情况。我讨厌使用操纵和内gui之类的词，但有些人真的很擅长。我的FIL在不同的角度有几种癌症 - 都非常温和，易于治愈，现在完全消失了 - 但他仍然不断提醒我们“我患有癌症”，因为这是他的同情卡。甚至没有“我有”。有些人不管他们的情况如何，都只想确保您与他们一起生活。我的FIL的多个医生不知道他仍然如何活着他的一切错误。他们说他明天可以死亡或再活10年。
As is evidenced by the fact that they gave her just a very short time and you've already had nearly 2 years with her, you already know that this could continue. I certainly don't mean to sound heartless. But as caregivers you are already seeing that it can hugely impact your health. What happens if your sister gets sick? Or ends up in the hospital? Is it safer for your mother and better for you and your sister to have somewhere that she has 24/7 care and you can just have your time with your mother as your mom?
The 'more hands' option appears already at capacity.. so I really don't see any option but the other.
是什么驱使您和姐姐继续这样做而不改变课程？
你提到妈妈在家里度过一天...
This is a very common thing that most people want when ill or faced with a terminal illness: to feel at ease, secure, comfortable in their own home. It is also very common for people to want family to care for them.
但是家庭有所不同。有些人可以扮演这个重型护理角色，有些人根本不能。对于那些这样做的人，他们都是人类，每个人都会有一个停止点。
Another way to think about is - you & your sister have given your Mom a truly wonderful 'Gift' : of staying in her home for as long as possible.
You have reached the end of *possible* now that's all. So Mom will need to hire copious amounts of help or move into care for the last bit.
将其视为“新礼物”。您和姐姐的访问/帮助，但也随时关注。
这涉及一些放手，可能会流泪，然后接受。
对你和平。
So, you do not owe her anything! Everything you do for is your own choice. You are clearly burnt out and need a break. I would say your relationship isn't that great to start with so besides more complaining, making some major changes will not necessarily change how you feel about each other.
她仍然有资格获得临终关怀吗？她仍然患有可怕的癌症吗？
如果附近的疗养院很糟糕，请进一步。您不必每天访问，也不必比真正想要的更多。您可以打电话和签入，等等。
当您被告知某人很快就会死亡时，这太艰难了。您会尽一切可能因为“知道”时间是如此有限。这种速度只能在短期内保持。没有18个月。是时候设置一些界限了。至少，要把她带到某个地方进行暂息护理，但实际上我认为她需要永久的地方。如果她没有足够的钱来雇用家庭健康助手，那么确实别无选择。
您的姐姐正在危机并摧毁自己。试图弄清楚如何让她继续做过去一年半的工作不起作用，也不是解决方案。
You both need to come together and have a talk with mom about what this is doing to both of you and what the next step will be for the preservation of your sister and your mental and physical well being.
Mom may have been given an expiration date by a doctor which she surpassed by 15 months but only two of you are dying right now and mom is certainly not one of the two people.
我永远不明白为什么高年级似乎从不关心他们的孩子试图让他们开心的过程。
What happened to your other sister, as you mention having 2 sisters in a previous post?
您在2020年初的绳索结束时就处于绳索的尽头。那么，除了您现在处于突破点的姐妹之外，发生了什么变化呢？（我希望家庭中没有一个兄弟绝对什么都不做。）
自从您的父亲16年前去世以来，您的母亲一直在期待奴役。是时候停止了吗？
如果您不将母亲放在设施中，那么我不会看到太多改变。
“在您以前的帖子中，您说您完成了大部分护理。”
"My mom had a mini stroke in November. She was in ICU for 3 days, hospital 1 week, and rehab a week. She has no damage from the stroke. Nothing showed on cat scans. They changed her bp meds and she returned back to the hospital for complications. Meds adjusted. She can't lift her left arm, her hand works nothing to do with stroke. The nerve is compromised between her c5 and c6. Problem is when she left the hospital my sister and I decided it would be good for mom to come home with me for a couple of weeks to get her strength back. It's 5 months later and she still here. I'm at my wits end. I've never been so exhausted in my life. I cook, clean, take her to dr. Appts. Everything! My sister comes by 2x a weeks and gets her in the shower. That's it! She doesn't want rehab, refuses to get an MRI on her neck to try and get her arm working and wants me to do everything. I try to explain that she has to get up and move around to get to feeling stronger and build her stamina back up. She still says she can't walk stable even though the 2x she had in house rehab she did just fine. They put her on blood thinners and she complains its cold even though I keep it warm to the point we closed our vent in our bedroom because it's too hot. She wants to just sit in the chair and do nothing. Insist she can't. I'm so frustrated and tired. I can't do this anymore. I'm so mentally and physically drained. It's getting worse every day. I try to explain that we've got to get her back home and get thing back to normal. My dad died 15 years ago and shes always depended on me and my sister for dr. appts. Groceries, yardwork shopping, everything. Then we would get the guilt trip constantly. I dont feel like cooking can you bring me something. This got to be almost daily. It's always been something. As if we dont have a life. Im so tired of feeling guilty. I'm tired of her sucking every drop of energy I have left. I beg my sister for help and tell her I'm so stressed out to the point my chest hurts. I dont want to get up in the morning knowing it starts all over again. My sister comes by 2x week and give her a shower paints her nails brings her goodies talks to her like shes a baby, spoon feeds her and yes I said spoon feeds her. I try to tell her this is wrong and it makes my job harder. She actually lives 1 street over from me and can only help 2x a weeks for a max of 1.5 hours . Shes works 8 to 3 no husband no kids just her and her dog and I don't work. So she justifies it that way. Ive always been the one to do everything for everyone because "i don't have a job". I just want my mother independent and back in her home so I can have my life back. I want to help my daughter and help her get ready for my 1st grandbaby. I have always been close to my daughters we would always do everything together. I miss that so much and they do too. My husband has been so understanding until now. Its putting a strain in our marriage. He sees how this situation has turned the longer it goes on. She doesnt want to be left alone. Shes scared she might fall or she doesnt feel good. Wants to know how long I'll be gone. I cry myself to sleep. I dont even fix my hair anymore. I rarely get out of the house. I'm losing my will and feel like it's all hopeless anymore. Someone please give me advice. I don't know what do. She wouldn't go to her last dr. Appt to do bloodwork. I had to reschedule it. I have 1 daughter at home that works and is about to graduate. She sees the stress I'm under and tells me this is wrong that nobody helps me and how my mom acts like she cant do anything for herself. Can you bring me this or will you hand me that constantly. Now she will actually call me on my phone in the house and ask me to do something for her. I feel so guilty for my feelings. I have so many mixed emotions. It's only been 4 months and I'm falling apart. I'm seriously considering a psychiatrist."
Have you EVER said " no" to your mother?