What is the potential thought process that makes my 82-year-old mom no longer desire to be self-sufficient and/or independent?

不反对g automatically make us have disregard for other people? I don't think so! I'm in my 80's, have been independent my whole adulthood. I hate asking for help.

But I also hate the fact that I no can no longer drive. I have to do a lot of advance planning to accomplish basic shopping, haircuts, a needed trip to the post-office, getting clothes to the cleaners of even the GoodWill, visit to my attorney, my doctor, the bank etc.
I'm not as quick-thinking as I used to be and if I move at what seems a normal speed for me, the body doesn't always co-operate. Sometimes I fall. Falls didn't used to bother me, but that was because it was easy to get up and keep going. Now it's difficult to get up and I risk breaking a hip like other elderly people I know.

Actually, life is a lot more convenient these days with the internet and credit cards. But I didn't grow up with internet. It's an ever changing world online and I'm not very skilled at handling it. Oh, I used to have pretty good control of things...but nowadays not even my bladder cooperates (now, that's embarrassing). Nor do my arthritic hands that used to easily sew on a button or fasten a necklace behind my neck.

I used to have friends with whom I could commiserate. We would laugh about our difficulties, swap tips for getting things done. But most of them are gone now, dead before I was ready to say goodbye. And I miss them.
抱歉，这听起来像是一个哭泣的故事。我知道年轻人有孩子，需要照顾的房屋和工作中的多项任务……也有许多社会义务。去过也做过。
I hate asking for help, busy as they are, but I just sometime see my life falling away in little pieces and there's not much I can do about it.
I try to express how grateful I am for any help someone can give. It's often a sacrifice for others, but I hope they never feel unappreciated!

You say "why do we........" but the fact is we are not all like your Mom. I am 80. Neither of my children live anywhere near the state I live in. I determined to make myself independent of my children and I in fact do all I can to minimize any worry they may have, and to reassure them.
This is what my parents did for me as well.
We are all individuals and we are as unique as our own fingerprints.
Good luck out to you.

If this is a "new" behavior for your mom, then I would assume it's related to a change in cognitive status and not "age related decline."

My mother was the most considerate person on the planet, and then she wasn't. In turned out that she'd had a stroke that had taken out most of her executive function and planning ability. So she just kept asking us/telling us to do things. But we had jobs!

她还误解了医生对她说的一切。

So maybe this isn't manipulation
Maybe she isn't reasoning/understanding stuff.

I'm not in my eighties but I've noticed how a multitude of little things that I used to do without thinking have become increasingly more challenging, and I'm no couch potato. I think that we often fail to take into account just how hard even simple tasks may have become for someone who is older and how exhausting just living can be, especially for those who are perhaps not terribly fit. Imagine coupling that with the feeling life has passed you by so why keep fighting, or perhaps a cultural creed that says elders are to be pampers and waited on.

我认为年龄带来了对技能丧失的认可，其中一些人太具有挑战性了，无法克服，或者是人们对处理能力失去信心的活动。

I think you'd need to consult a medical person, perhaps a psychologist or psychiatrist focusing on aging, to address a declining or loss of self sufficiency.

还有一个直率，也许令人恐惧的认识，即年龄已经损害了我们，我们确实需要寻求帮助。或者，某人可能会疲倦并摆脱衰老的挑战。

As to "hating to inconvenience people", I think that could be more than just inconvenience, but rather, arises from a survival concept.

I suspect one's existing personality, upbringing, and the examples we've seen over our lifetimes all play a role in how we react to temporary or ongoing infirmity and loss of abilities. Some people as they age are willing to reach out and pay for things they can't do for themselves, but still have a sense of control and autonomy so they don't feel "beholden" to others for voluntary services. Others may take help for granted and do seem to lose the ability to see that they are in fact putting out, "inconveniencing," those who are helping them. I had two long-lived grandmothers who were very independent, and my parents were likewise. Like Alva, I'm determined not to be reliant/dependent on our children and we've planned accordingly. We do have several kids who live nearby and who do nice things for us, e.g., bring over meals or goodies, but we want them to live their own lives and not be tied down by us.

The honest answer is that it really depends on your mom.
这是新行为吗？如果是这样，她可能会感到沮丧。她可能会痛苦，她没有告诉你。她可能有UTI。她可能需要进行一些新的诊断，需要探索包括痴呆症甚至其他身体的东西。
If it's not new, you may need to explore when the behavior really started. Without too much detail, we've dealt with this with my FIL for a long time due to a personality disorder. He has long believed that he was owed many things. He has been waited on hand and foot by a number of enablers but for most of his life he didn't have pain that went along with it so he still did for himself. As he aged, a number of comorbidities piled up and began to cause him pain and one thing he cannot tolerate in the slightest is pain of any kind (that is not meant to sound insensitive, he can't tolerate so much as a stubbed toe without a trip to the ER, he just doesn't do pain at all) So when doctors, nurses and physical therapists advised movement to alleviate pain and maintain mobility and independence he shut that down and did the opposite and insisted that he be waited on and unfortunately he was in a situation to be obliged. He was warned that this would eventually lead to him losing his mobility entirely and I believe he thought that when he was ready to get back up he just.....would? Now...well it's no longer a matter of won't.. it is a matter of can't.
这就是漫长的答案。我认为对于某些人来说，如果没有根本原因为什么他们关闭的理由，那么老实说，他们认为直到他们无法重新站起来都不会产生任何影响...他们花了所有的时间不做任何认为他们决定恢复并这样做时，他们都会直接弹出，然后返回他们离开的地方，然后回到自己的状态。其中一部分可能有点否认。其中一部分是它并不那么容易，所以不这样做很容易？但是最好，如果他们能够继续尽可能地做任何事情，那就更好了。因为一旦他们停下来，就很难将其取回并花费两倍的努力。

倡议。当认知能力下降时，它消失了。

She may not be ABLE to even figure out how to accomplish tasks on her own, or with others’ help.

As her child, she may still, though, be able to know that you are a helpful person who can get things done.

It’s EXTREMELY frustrating to those around the elder. I’m sorry.

As for your friend, it doesn't sound like he's a quick learner.........LOL!!!! Perhaps friends can get together and build him a deck?

As for mom, it sounds like she's ready for Assisted Living; she's lived a long life and probably deserves to be assisted each day and not expected to perform duties/chores. Perhaps you can take her to visit some Assisted Living sites to see if she likes them. Life is always changing and the aging process reminds us that the "clock of life is ticking."

My mother went in the other direction due to her dementia. She was always independent, but with the dementia, she would get angry if anyone tried to help her. If she could not do something, she would not let anyone else do it, and then not do it herself. She would not let caregivers clean the house, wash her clothes, throw out old food, etc. Eventually, we had to move her to a memory care facility, where she complains bitterly about her lack of independence. But she is safe and in better health now.