照顾这么长时间后的正常状态何时恢复？

Years. Not months. And it'll be a different normal.

但是，正如一个衰老的拥抱中的一个人所说的那样，没关系就可以了。对自己友善。

你们两个是非常令人钦佩的人。照顾两个母亲（我假设不是同时）延长了4年，这表明了非常无私的心。

When someone moves into your home, you no longer have the privacy you long for. Snuggling with your mate on the sofa and watching a great flick while sipping your favorite beverage was gone. Now it’s time for the two of you.

我agree with some of the other comments, in that a vacation is a great thing to do. But if you cannot afford to do so, then just take a long weekend at home with the two of you. Tell the rest of the family that you need some time alone and to not call.

我have been caring for my wife (a 67 y.o. Who is living with Alzheimer’s) for nearly 2 years now. I myself don’t understand what normal is like. I too will grieve when she is gone. I likely will be in your shoes when she does pass. But I pray I’ll get through the pain.

我f I may, let me share this verse from the Bible. Romans 8:28 says, “All things work together for the good to them that love Him and are called according to His purpose.” It’s that last part I’d like to focus on. “…called according to His purpose.” Your purpose for 4 years was caregiving for your moms. Now it’s time for the two of you.

看着对方的眼睛，道歉，宽恕和爱。为自己的耐力鼓掌。可以谈论艰难时期和激怒你们俩的事件。但是不要呆在那里。还要谈论您为您提供的护理而成为什么好人。

最后，如果您现在没有它，请为您俩寻找长期护理保险。如果您有孩子，当您无法照顾自己时，它将帮助他们照顾您。我敢肯定，您已经说过：“我不想给我们的孩子承担这种负担。”

我为您的康复祈祷！
terry

我t will take a while, so please be patient. You and your wife are not only grieving now, but also trying to get your life back to "normal." And I'm sure you already know that your life will never be completely back to your old normal, as what you have been through the last 4 years has changed you both forever.
取而代之的是，您现在必须习惯自己的“新常态”，这可能同时令人恐惧和令人兴奋。因此，深吸一口气，彼此友善并保持耐心。事情最终将落入到位。
Condolences on the death of your mother.

Raysot，我为您的损失感到抱歉！

From experience, it takes a while to stop being hyper-alert. Have you tried any meditation apps? They can be quite effective at calming your nervous system down.

我为您的损失感到非常抱歉。可能需要一段时间。它是如此新鲜。我很烦躁，易于承受，等等，等待了六个月。请意识到您觉得可以的一切都可以，而且跌宕起伏是正常的。而且，您和您的妻子肯定会有不同的周期和不同的反应/压力。我发现与治疗师的几次会议非常有帮助 - 只是有一个安全的地方说我想说的话，没有判断力。我建议单独这样做。祝你和平。

超压模式是提出它的好方法。当我和丈夫带我的继父死去时，我感到非常警惕。他去世后，他的痛苦已经结束，但我仍然充满了神经。

我们只需要时间麻木。我赶上了我录制的电视节目，没有时间观看，我只是安静。花点时间与您的妻子重新建立联系，每个日子里每天都有自己的安静时间。去散步或开车，停下来吃午餐或晚餐，并在可能的情况下离开家。我和我的丈夫谈论了我的感受，并让它出来。没有其他人知道自己的感觉，所以他是一个安全的人，让我完全诚实。

您可以一起度假吗？放松的东西，躺在海滩上，喝饮料，读书，没有烹饪，清洁，任何东西，也许尝试与自己和彼此重新建立联系？

我cared for my mom for four year beginning in 2011. She passed five-year ago, now, doesn't seem possible. There was never a return to normal for me. I am still figuring out what normal is.

对我来说，我总是处在发生可怕的事情的边缘，这引发了快速的心跳，发动了高度警觉的反应。结束后，我的大脑和身体已经习惯了战斗/飞行的反应，以至于我每天24小时才处于该状态。大脑了解对危险的反应，即使没有迫在眉睫或明显的危险，也会立即处理。它叫做PTSD，我花了2年的时间才康复了。我不确定我已经结束了。焦虑症的治疗和药物有助于瑜伽和冥想。我认为，如果没有某种干预您的身体所学的反应，您不会克服它。

My dad passed two years ago leaving my mom, 86, and husband's aunt ,93, to help care for.

我certainly understand the hyper stress. My situation helped bring on a minor stroke in March. Then they found a congenital hole in my heart so a little surgery to patch the hole. Now I am in recovery mode which has really helped destress.

不幸的是，我对旧的职责已转交给我的姐姐和丈夫，以及他们的工作。我正在遵循医生的命令，以便回弹很快。

我鼓励您和您的妻子每天出门。去吃午餐，花园，散步并找到您曾经喜欢的东西。也许与一些老朋友建立联系。一个漫长的周末？